Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Proof that men really are idiots!
Not that most women need any proof that men are idiots but just in case a few of you out there miraculously still need convincing, a recent study has shown that a man’s decision making abilities are severely impaired when it comes to something as simple as a pretty girl! Alright, maybe not the most surprising news ever but the way the study was carried out is actually quite interesting (in my humble opinion) and not as boring as you might expect! Just click on the link above, or right here if you’re feeling really lazy, to read the full story as reported by the BBC.
Personally, I thought the most interesting facet of the study was the manner in which they used a very simple test to determine if the male subjects had high testosterone levels. Apparently, and I’m going to have to take their word on this as I don’t have any evidence of my own to back it up, if a man’s ring finger (the one between the little finger and the middle finger) is longer than his index finger (the one between the thumb and the middle finger) then there is strong likelihood that the man in question has higher than normal levels of testosterone.
Wow! Who knew looking at someone’s hand could tell you so much! I’m a little taken aback by this as I would have always assumed that something like the ratio of finger lengths in human hands would be consistent and standard. I’ve been carrying out some random examinations since I’ve found this out, which has been a little disturbing for my test subjects in some cases. What’s freaking me out even more is that of all the hands I’ve checked out so far, my own fingers have the largest aberration I’ve found. Fabulous, I’m a fecking mutant! And no, I’m not going to tell you which finger is longer, a little bit of mystery can’t hurt I reckon. Besides, which is better, high or low testosterone? High testosterone might make you a randy goat but it might also make you go bald. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t!
Maybe some of you out there might have a view on which is better? Anyways, the next time a woman checks out your hands while you’re casually chatting on a night out, she might be figuring out more than you suspect!
of the testiclii and testosterone. If this link was known sooner, so many wars
could of been avoided. Hitler often declared war from his lofty retreat in the
bavarian Alps. After spending several months there with his testiclii at a
high altitude, his testosterone levels would of swollen his testicles to gala
melon size proportions (note, not honeydew). His aggressive and vociferous
nature was his bodies own natural remedy to try and reduce his testicles to
normal. This didnt always work and in 1941 they swelled so much Goebbels had to
help with the weight burden by supporting them with the tusks from a white
hippo, this led to the declaration of war on Russia.
For more analysis see Micheal Nads - Scrotum Blitzkrieg.
We came across Wormius's Rising Testoterone Theorem and applied it to our flights recently with dramatic results. After take off during cloud breakage, so passengers are unaware, we turn the plane upside down to start testosterone reversal. We just reverse the polarity of the air pressure by blowing kryptonite through the air system, to keep everything in place and bingo. Testosterone reversal to the testiclii. So far no air rage incidents have occured!
Interesting thing about the lengths of fingers though...hmmmmm!
Is it worth putting my hand on the hubble telescope to see if theres a billionth of a millimetres difference in height of my ring finger? Just i threw a stone at Gulliver when he landed and wondered if this was due to high testosterone.
We are particularly short of flying ventriliquists who can throw their voice at altitudes of 10000ft to ground level. Also we currently dont have an invisible man or a shapeshifter with a cork accent.
If so, please send us your waist and leg size so we can get a costume ready for you. Would you prefer a full mask or just your eyes? or even a pair of disguising spectacles a la Clarke Kent?
Note we currently only have green leggings in waist size 28 so bear that in mind.
X-Men European Office
1 Superhero Avenue
Thank you for your kind invitation. It's amazing how you recognised that I'm more than sad enough to want to join your merry band of spandex clad heroes. Then again, heightened mental ability is your super power after all.
Interestingly, my mutant finger has somehow imbued with the power of orange. While at first this might seem of little use, such a view couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact as "The Mighty Orange", for that is what I am known as, I feel that I would be a powerful ally in your never-ending fight against evil and villainy! Here's a quick run down of my powers:
Flight: Let’s face it, you’re just not a real super hero without the power of flight!
Transmogrification: As required, I can transform my body into an unusual orange substance with a hard outer peel. This has many advantages as the outer peel has the ability to absorb energy beams and various other kinetic forms of energy. It also has a high degree of elasticity, which is handy if I need to bounce off something.
Liquification: When necessary, I can turn completely into a fruity orange liquid allowing me to easily escape from traditional restraints and gain access to places other heroes just can’t go. This power is particularly handy when on occasion I lock myself out of the house.
Orange Beam: My primary weapon is a concentrated orange energy beam, which is handy for smiting my enemies.
Orange Blast: My secondary weapon is an unusual orange blast that emits a forceful shockwave while simultaneously showering everyone in the target area with an odd orange liquid. This is of limited use but can be a blast (geddit???) at parties!
Later, if I can spare some time, I will post an image of myself in all of my orange spandex glory, just to give you an idea of what you’d be getting.
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