Thursday, June 22, 2006
National Cleavage Day
Inspired by China Blue’s latest "Half Nekkid Thursday" post and because it’s simply another fantastic opportunity to lower the tone and because I couldn’t be arsed thinking of anything better to write about, I have decided to instigate a campaign in support of a National Cleavage Day. The concept is simple, a specific day of the year would be inaugurated as National Cleavage Day and, on the said appointed day each year, women from all walks of Irish life would be expected to patriotically exhibit their pride in their country by proudly wearing something with a scandalous décolletage that, to put it quite bluntly, leaves very little to the imagination.
Not only would this enhance the self-esteem of women all over the country as a result of the numerous admiring glances that every participating woman will undoubtedly receive but will also bolster the moral of the often misunderstood Irish male by reinforcing and validating their steadfast belief in the collective beauty of Irish womanhood. Subsequently, it is without any hesitation whatsoever that I strongly urge you to immediately email Bertie Ahern expressing your support for this wonderful concept. Just mention that it’s a sure fire vote winner with at least 50% of the population!
And why should we stop there? Personally, if this works out well, my next cause celebre is going to be a campaign in support of a National Mini-Skirt Day. In all fairness, I’m reasonably sure that with a little bit of cajoling some of our finest and most upstanding political luminaries such as President McAleese would be happy to come out in support of these fine and noble ideas. And, given our utter inability to qualify for this summer’s World Cup and the recent tragic passing of the inimitable Charlie Haughey, isn’t it finally time to start restoring a bit of pride and happiness to the nation! Jaysus, I feel a stirring rendition of the National Anthem coming on. Charlie, from whatever perch you’re looking down on us, take it away boy, Bertie, Mary and myself will join in once you get going!
“Sinne Fianna Fáil...”
(Mara... Maaarrraa!!! Jaysus, where is that bollox? Anyway listen here, that Mary is one fine looking bird, who would have thought it, eh. But for feck's sake, who the hell is this Cork Boy langer...)
Subsequently, National Cleavage Day has nothing to do with the size of a woman’s breasts, instead it is a more subtle focus on the interesting ways in which your cleavage can be revealed regardless of the absolute size of your assets.
And on a personal note, we both know neither of you have anything to worry about... although I appreciate that your concern for your less voluptuous sisters is heartfelt and sincere.
However, that said, your reasoning is akin to banning the Evening Echo Women's Mini-Marathon because some woman somewhere is unable to take part because she's unable to find a pair of running shoes to match her shorts or because she's forgot her keys again and is locked out of the house or numerous other stupid friggin' reasons.
If this kind of irrational female madness was extended to other areas of our day to day lives, nobody could do anything just in case one person was left out. And while I'm on the fecking subject , you'd be far better off utilising the ample assets that you have, ya saucy minx, in an attempt to rectify the situation with the kisses rather than trying to ruin my valiant attempts at giving the country what at least half of it's citizens undoubtedly want!
Rant... rant... bollox... rant...
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