Two of my pet hates are the weather and Irish. Not the actual real weather you understand, in fairness things would be kind of boring if we didn’t have weather not to mention the fact that you’d have nothing to talk about with strangers. No, I’m talking about weather forecasts on radio and television and while I’m at it I might as well take a swipe at all those sad people who insist on watching the weather forecast - “I’ll just hang on here now to see the weather forecast after the news” - with a strange look in their eyes like they’re getting some kind of freaky satisfaction out of it or something. My attitude is that I can’t fecking change it so I don’t frickin’ care, I suppose I reckon one’s attitude to the weather should be like assessing your chances with a woman, it’s probably best to just remain optimistic and simply hope for the best.

As for Irish, don’t get me started! Apart from the fact that it’s always fun to tease the die hard Gaelgoers, if not a little too easy, any residual love that I might have harboured for our native language was firmly thrashed out of me during thirteen years of torture inflicted upon me by the State and their insistence that I would learn Irish whether or not I really wanted to. In fact I would be willing to go further and argue that it is the actions of the uncompromising Irish lobby that are directly responsible for the poor regard in which me and many others hold the Irish language. Even more so, given the findings of recent studies that show that the level of Irish proficiency is nothing short of shocking given the obscene amount of money being spent teaching it, how long more will it take for common sense to prevail and for everyone to realise that forcing children and teenagers to learn something that has little practical use for most of them is not the way to endear them to the very thing you’re trying to promote and foster. Well, you get the picture, I hated Irish in school but the short-sighted bastards still forced me to do it, you wouldn’t believe how angry I feel when I think about how much I could have learned about other things of interest to me instead.

Now that you have an idea from where I’m coming in relation to both the weather and Irish, you can imagine my own incredulity at the fact that I now find that an unexpected combination of both the weather and Irish is forcing me to see both in an entirely new light! Unfortunately, even though I struggled hard and tried not to succumb, I’m afraid the unrelenting charms of the TG4 weather girls finally got to me in the end. Look, I’m only a weak man and I challenge any red-blooded male out there amongst you to deny that there’s not something incredibly sexy about those pretty TG4 weather girls blabbering away in Irish about the frickin’ weather of all things. Brought up on a strict RTE weather diet, Evelyn Cusack never did much for me when she rambled on about cold fronts, showers and gale force winds. Although in fairness, she has put in a good effort in recent years and looks a lot more stylish these days in stark contrast to the drab years of old. However, I’m afraid she just hasn’t a hope in Hell of competing with the likes of Aoife, Maighréad and Sinéad from TG4. Obviously they’re good looking and wear beautiful fashionable clothes that effectively enhance their overall appearance but, for me at least, it’s the way the Irish rolls of their tongues that turns the whole thing into something far more alluring - clocha sneachta, scamaill eadtrom, tintreach, báisteach, grianmhar - never have these words sounded so sexy as when they’re being spoken by a TG4 weather girl!

Personally, I think TG4 should be wholly applauded for their sterling efforts in bringing Irish to the masses in a manner that doesn’t immediately turn me off. And while the lads are well catered for, in fairness to TG4 there’s something for the ladies as well in the form of the inimitable Dáithí Ó Sé, a far cry from RTE’s poster boy, Gerald Fleming. Yes, I think all of you ladies would probably agree that if Dáithí borrowed Gerald’s famous catch phrase and said “goodnight to ya” with a little wink in his eye that it would be an entirely more satisfying experience!

Finally, I’ll close by mentioning that the TG4 weather is still sponsored by Smart Telecom and given the recent misfortunes of said company, I thought it was quite funny when the Smart Telecom advertisement appeared after the weather last night with the immortally priceless ironic phrase that it’s simple to be smart! Somehow I suspect that the interpretation that immediately popped into my head was not quite the kind of “simple” their marketing gurus originally had in mind...

Labels: Humour, Television

# Forged from the fiery depths by Pure Cork Boy.