Pure Cork Boy

Roni Size at the Savoy

2008-04-05T21:00:00.006+01:00

It’s great to see that Bodytonic have started a new night called Kosh Kosh at the Savoy as they have some exciting artists lined up to play. Things started with a bang recently with Roni Size wrecking the place and Carl Craig and Mr. Scruff will be touching down over the coming weeks so stay tuned and make sure you turn up to support what promises to be some good times dancing to some fabulous music. I’m going to shut up now and let you peruse the pictures of nice people enjoying the Roni Size gig. Enjoy!

Roni Size Bodytonic

Hoonboy at An Cruiscín Lán

2008-03-23T21:00:00.004Z

I go to see a lot of djs play and I thought I’d seen it all but when Hoonboy took to the decks at the most recent DnB Impact night and proceeded to don a face mask that would make Hannibal Lecter proud before launching into his own particular sinister blend of dark, electronic breakcore, I was pretty much forced to wake up and take notice. However, for once, I think I’ll let the pictures do the talking this time while simultaneously apologising for the poor quality of same as the venue was full of artificial smoke by the time I got round to taking some photos. Also, I didn’t bother removing the red eyes as I think they suit his somewhat disturbing image.

The DnB Impact crew deserve a lot of praise for continuing to organise and promote their regular drum’n’bass nights at An Cruiscín Lán, their next night being held on Saturday 5th April headlined by the Teknoist with support from the rest of the Impact crew. I'm going to miss it though as I'll be busy rock climbing, abseiling, kayaking and doing other fun stuff for the weekend down in Skibbereen!

Hoonboy The Teknoist DnB Impact

Once

2008-03-05T22:34:00.006Z

What with all of the recent Oscar fuss surrounding the Irish film “Once” I decided it was time to borrow (ok, steal then!) the dvd of same from the desk of an unsuspecting work colleague, the plan being to watch it that same evening and to return it the following day before they were any the wiser. Stop tutting, as plans go it was a damn good one and it also serendipitously saved me €5 down the local Xtravision.

Glen Hansard’s music wouldn’t really be my cup of tea (calm down Betty, step away from the knife, remember it’s just my ever so humble opinion) and given that half of the fecking movie consists of Glen giving it loads accompanied by his trusty guitar and the wistfully captivating Marketa Irglova, the movie could quite aptly have been titled “Once Glen finishes singing we might have time to squeeze in a bit of the film if we’re lucky!”

Still, for reasons probably best kept to myself, I consider the ginger one a dear friend of mine so I’m not going to be bitchy and I can honestly say that “Once” is a nice, heart warming and charming film best watched while lounging on a couch that you’re sharing with someone you wouldn’t mind kissing.

Finally, am I the only one somewhat unsettled by the fact that Glen and Marketa are now a couple? I mean in all fairness, he’s 38 and she’s 19... ok, you’re right, jealousy is indeed a terrible thing.

Once Glen Hansard Marketa Irglova

PS: Anyone else besides me slightly annoyed by the ending? Although maybe they’re planning a sequel, which would be cool as they would surely have to call it “Twice!”

Happy New Year

2008-01-01T00:01:00.000Z

I’m going to be a complete Grinch here and declare that I think that the whole New Year’s thing is an absolute load of bollox but just to save you all from a tedious rant, I’ll leave that for another day. Looking back on the year that has gone I’ll have to come clean and admit that I was an utterly lazy langer when it came to putting up posts. I kind of got stuck in a music groove and the self-enforced formality of it just sucked the motivation right out of me and, as those of you that know me in real life will be happy to testify, I’m much happier and more prolific when I’m giving out about something!

Speaking of which, have any of you actually ever gotten what you really wanted from Santa? Oh yeah, that’s a picture of Vyvienne Long at the side there, just in case you’re wondering. I saw her play in Cyprus Avenue during the summer and instantly fell in love with her. When she plays and sings, she’s like some kind of feisty kick ass Siren and you can’t help but be impressed yet when she speaks to the audience in between each song she’s like a timid little angel and all you want to do is rush up and just give her a big hug. Unfortunately, I missed her follow up trip to Cork late last year but hopefully she will visit Cork again in 2008.

Anyway, back to that Santa dude. Like seriously, down through the years I’ve been the recipient of some really naff presents from friends, family and relations. It’s like they have a latent talent for buying crap that completely turns me off, you know the kind of present that you hold at arms length from your face while struggling to hide the disgust bubbling behind the cool façade of your best faux “gee thanks, I love it” face. This pisses me off because I like to buy people thoughtful and decent presents and given that I don’t even fucking wear slippers, how anyone could conclude that I need several pairs of zoo animal slippers is pretty much quite beyond me. So when in such a context, Santa is your last hope at getting what you really want, I bloody well expect the bastard to pull out all of the stops and come through for me. In all fairness, how hard can it be to deliver a hot woman with a cello down my fucking chimney!

Santa Claus Vyvienne Long

PS: Pendulum played at the Savoy over Christmas and they were shit. It just had to be said.

Dillinja at the Savoy

2007-07-27T21:00:00.000+01:00

Let me preface this by clearly stating that us drum’n’bass headz are lovely people to a man, woman and child and that if you happened to accidentally bring your Gran to one of our regular get-togethers then you could rest assured that she would be greeted with nothing but politeness and good manners from the varied assortment of indigenous and pan-European lovers of musical goodness, of which our motley collective is comprised. I mention this upfront in the hope of assuaging any negative reaction to the fact that on the night the infamous Dillinja, ably supported by the less notorious Jet Li, played at the Savoy ended with all of us being politely handed a refund and escorted to the exit by the local constabulary roughly after about twenty minutes into Dillinja’s set. Never mind, I had a good dance floor workout during Jet Li’s preceding set, although it was a pity that Dillinja didn’t bring the legendary Valve Sound System with him just for a laugh.

Dillinja Valve Sound System

Sasha at the Savoy

2007-07-21T21:00:00.000+01:00

You are Sasha and you are one of the world’s most popular and well known djs and people love you. Dauntingly, your career spans the past twenty years of dance music and you’ve more or less been everywhere and done everything, you’ve rubbed shoulders with the rich and famous and worked with some really influential and well respected musical personalities and - heck! - you’re practically a celebrity yourself! You’ve won countless awards and are voted as one of the world’s top djs every year. Let’s fucking face it, you are a God walking amongst us mere mortals.

So when you came to play at the Savoy in Cork I dutifully went to see you and unflinchingly handed over my thirty Euro at the door and made my way through the teeming masses of adoring fans and onto the main dance floor. A half an hour later I was bored out of my head and had come to the conclusion that you hadn’t packed enough tunes into the wonderful software that is Ableton Live. Technology is great but it’s easy to become over indulgent and forget about the fact that I want dance to some tunes and not just the same snippets regurgitated over and over again. I’m sorry about this but I just had to leave as I simply wasn’t feeling it but hey, look on the bright side, the rest of the punters didn’t seem to give a shit and appeared to be having a really good time and I’m sure you got paid so no harm done... right?

Sasha Ableton Live

The State of Mantua Music & Arts Festival

2007-07-16T21:00:00.000+01:00

Don’t ask me why I decided it was a good idea to travel to Roscommon for The State of Mantua Music & Arts Festival during the height of the summer sunshine because despite the fact that I was never quite convinced that Roscommon actually existed until I arrived in the sprawling metropolis of Ballaghadereen, the mere thought of spending a weekend in a bog in the arse end of nowhere up to my knees in muck coupled with the delightful prospect of exposing my tender bottom to sanitation facilities that would make the Chernobyl radioactive no-go zone seem positively homely should have been more than enough to convince me to stay at home in the relative luxury and comfort of my own home.

That said, once I was at peace with the fact that everyone and every thing was covered in mud, it wasn’t such a bad affair and to be perfectly honest it was a damn riot. The weekend was a blur of musical styles delivered by umpteen djs and numerous live acts including the Skatalites and the Sultans of Ping and I learned that surprisingly it is possible to sleep next to an event tent pumping out 50,000 watts of continuous drum and bass goodness.

I took lots of photos of nice friendly people and a few are displayed below. If you're interested and would like to see the rest then simply click here.

The State of Mantua Music & Arts Festival

Wiggle at the Spiegeltent

2007-06-28T21:00:00.000+01:00

Every summer the Spiegeltent comes to town and pitches itself smack bang in the middle of the plaza in front of the Cork Opera House and plays host to a wide variety of musical and cultural acts under the umbrella of the Cork Midsummer Festival. Scandalously, it wasn’t until this year that I had the actual pleasure of finding out what all of the fuss was about. Ya, ya, I know you’re all agape with amazement as to how a social whore like myself could not possibly have been at least once before but to be honest while I had intended to go many times in the past the simple truth is that I’m a lazy bastard and anything that involves me having to pre-purchase tickets anywhere other than at the venue in question and particularly at any time other than the time for which the event is scheduled always sounds too much like hard work to me.

Also, I had convinced myself that the tent in question was going to be some grotty, smelly run down affair reminiscent of some of the circus tents that travel round this isle conning innocent parents into parting with good hard earned cash in return for laughable, piss poor entertainment. (For now I’ll leave those issues burning under the surface for another day.) Luckily, this time round some nice person convinced me that going to see a band called Wiggle in the Spiegeltent was a truly fabulous idea and even offered to get the tickets beforehand, which kind of left me bereft of any plausible reason not to go and lets face it, a girl uttering the words wiggle and tent in the same sentence is a sure fire way to convince me to do practically anything.

Upon entering the Spiegeltent on the evening in question, it would be fair to say that I was pretty damn impressed and quite honestly calling it a tent is like labelling a high class escort with a tag that reads five dollar ho... um, er... that’s not to say that I’d be intimately familiar with either class of aforementioned woman you understand. Anyway, Wiggle took to the stage and belted out their characteristically feel-good, ethnically-charged, dance-friendly electronic sound for a good hour and a half. Not surprisingly, there was much dancing most of which took place on the superb wooden dance floor that takes pride of place in the epicentre of the Spiegeltent and it was nice to have an equally crazy dance partner, which meant for a change that the usually bemused crowd had more than just my antics to gawk at. On mature reflection, quite possibly the best wiggle I’ve had in a tent this year!

Wiggle Cork Midsummer Festival

Very Be Careful at An Spailpín Fanác

2007-06-20T21:00:00.000+01:00

How come when you give people the heads up about a gig that turns out to be a monster that no one turns up yet fifty gazillion of the very same people spontaneously decide to go to the one gig in ten that turns out to be an utter flop - I can only conclude that someone up there is taking the absolute piss!

So it was when I over-hyped the Very Be Careful gig that took place at An Spailpín Fanác recently. Very Be Careful are a bunch of guys from LA who play a type of traditional Columbian merengue music, who decided to start their European tour in Cork of all places. Ok, so they weren’t that bad and in fairness to them the sound engineer on the night was absolute shit - I swear to God if I never hear another cowbell again it won’t be too soon.

On the upside, it was nice that so many of you turned out on the night and if anything, that was the saving grace for an otherwise not so great gig, so to all of you, thanks for that. Now all I have to is find another fabulous gig that I can convince you to go to in a vain effort to salvage my by now tattered reputation.

Very Be Careful

DJ Zinc at the Savoy

2007-06-15T23:00:00.000+01:00

It’s Thursday night - you have work in the morning - and you’ve just come out of a great gig with Cork’s finest swing jazz band at the Crane Lane and given that it has finished at the very respectable hour of 11pm you have plenty of time to head home and get a good night’s rest, which sounds like a good idea seeing as you’ve spent the last hour or two dancing. So that’s obviously what you’re going to do then... um, er, surely?

Don’t be ridiculous, the obvious answer is that you walk down the road to the Savoy to go and see DJ Zinc, a drum and bass dj who happens to be playing that very same night. I suppose the thought of swing jazz followed by drum and bass is probably something that would cause most sane people to turn their eyes up to heaven and plead for mercy but to be honest I just don’t see the problem - you go to the swing jazz and dance your ass off and then you go to the drum and bass and do the same - it's all good. Although it would be fair to say that both types of music are usually frequented by a decidedly different class of woman... of course what I mean, that is to say, now that I think about it more clearly... different but both equally attractive and interesting. (Almost got myself into a world of trouble there!)

Anyway, enough of the bullshit, it turned out to be a great gig and Martin Gorelka took some terrific pictures on the night, some of which I have displayed, if you want to see the rest then just click here.

DJ Zinc

The Roaring Forties & Jon Kenny at the Crane Lane

2007-06-15T21:00:00.000+01:00

Regular readers of this blog - that would be me, my mom and my sister - already know that the Roaring Forties - Cork’s greatest and internationally renowned swing band - and Jon Kenny - some comedian from up Limerick direction - recently joined forces and recorded a new single called “Oh Marie!” Personally I think it’s fabulous that the band took some time out to help Jon kick start his career again and hopefully at least one of them and preferably both of them will soon achieve their long time dream of appearing on “The Late Late Show” as guests of Pat Kenny, RTE’s chat show dynamo whose primary raison d’être seems to be something to do with making Joe Duffy appear talented.

To celebrate this momentous occasion, the band and Jon threw a damned decent shindig at the Crane Lane and George, being the kind hearted patron Saint that he is, made sure our names were placed prominently on the guest list. True to form, the music was great and the dancing was terrific fun - pretty much what you’d expect from any Roaring Forties gig - and we all had a wonderful time. Donal took some fabulous photos on the night, which you can see by clicking here.

A few weeks prior to that, the band had also played at the (new) Bodega and it was brilliant to have such a big dance floor to prance about (note to self: in future when you drag two women onto the dance floor at the same time it might work out better if you can actually dance as good as Brendan Fraser in that scene from “Blast from the Past,” as demonstrated here) and to make a good night even better, it was followed up by a big band dj set from Gary Baus, whose own monthly Doubletime night remains ever popular.

The Roaring Forties new single should be available in most records stores so just go out and buy the fecking thing - it’s not rocket science you know!

The Roaring Forties Jon Kenny

The Cuban Brothers at the Savoy

2007-06-04T20:00:00.000+01:00

Unless you’ve seen the Cuban Brothers live for yourself it’s a little difficult to quite convey the experience - madcap, crazy, fun, insane - are a few words that are probably on the right track. If guess if I had to sum them up in a single phrase then a highly entertaining fun-filled Latin house music comedy act would probably be the best I could do. Yes, I know, it does sound stupidly silly but that’s what they are and, believe it or not, it actually works quite well.

They played at the Savoy over the June bank holiday weekend and delivered the goods once again from their wacky stage show to the incredibly delicious tunes that Clemente dishes out on the decks. Surprisingly, unlike their previous gig at the Savoy last year, Miguel didn’t strip bollox naked and prance around the dance floor accosting unsuspecting girls as he went - if you really need to see photos of that night then click here! Instead, this time one of the audience did the honours and took it upon himself to hop onto the stage and bare all seconds before a collective of bored and slightly stunned security staff pounced upon the said misfortunate and escorted him to wherever it is they bring you when you’re bold.

If the Cuban Brothers play at a venue near you, drag your sorry ass to see them, if you like dance music then you won’t be sorry.

The Cuban Brothers

National Botanic Gardens of Ireland

2007-05-08T15:10:00.000+01:00

I was in Dublin for the weekend and I happened to visit the National Botanic Gardens as they were nearby. I often bring my camera with me to most places but I’m usually way too lazy to take any pictures. However, the sun was shining and there were so many good photo opportunities that I just couldn’t help myself... fifty five photos later.

I have included a few low-res samples below but if you would like to check out the rest in all of their hi-res glory then simply click here.

DJ Flight at Isobar

2007-05-08T14:58:00.000+01:00

DJ Flight played a great drum and bass set at the Isobar recently. I almost didn’t go, it was half eleven, I was sitting at home, a little bit tired but I decided to pick myself up and get my sorry ass out the door. Still, I was glad I went as it was a good night although getting out of bed for work the following morning was sheer hell, especially as my leg muscles were killing me. See kids, let that be a lesson to you all, too much dancing is bad for you!

Coincidentally, I was going to Dublin the following day and bumped into her as she was on the same flight... there’s a very bad pun in there somewhere waiting to get out. Anyway, enjoy the photos. You can find a copy of them and more, in their original state before I abused them on Pat de Butcher’s Flickr account.

DJ Flight Pat de Butcher

Earl Okin at the Tikki Lounge

2007-05-08T14:54:00.000+01:00

Earl Okin, that legendary musical genius and sex symbol from Notting Hill played a free gig at the Tikki Lounge a few weeks ago. For those of you that have never heard Earl play, his twisted blend of acoustic bossa guitar and salacious comic wit can be a little difficult to convey so I’m not even going to bother trying. All I can say is that for the quintessential Earl experience, check out his cd on amazon or ebay.

As I had shamelessly self-promoted this gig to anyone that would listen, I was pleasantly pleased with the turnout, even world famous DJ Ronska showed his face! Also, Earl was kind enough to sit down and chat with us beforehand, regaling my sister with tales of Brazil, dazzling her with pictures of his ninety-something year old mother and inviting her to Notting Hill for a visit. And the gig wasn’t half bad either.

Earl Okin

Babyhead at Cyprus Avenue

2007-04-02T23:00:00.000+01:00

Oh fuck, what a monster gig! Yes indeed, if you were not smart enough to be at the Babyhead gig at Cyrpus Avenue on Sunday night then tough, you missed one of the most insane and craziest gigs of the year. Personally, I haven’t had as much fun on a dance floor in ages and who cares if it was Sunday night and most of us had to get up for work in the morning... judging by the screams of the crowd for an encore, no one by the sounds of it!

I could describe Babyhead as an insane mixture of The Specials, Bad Manners, Madness and the Beastie Boys on acid but I wouldn’t really be doing them justice. So I’m gonna be dead lazy and leave it to themselves to describe their unique sound.

“Babyhead are one of the United Kingdom’s fastest growing independent acts. The appeal cannot be defined by one aspect alone. It’s not just the combination of the horn section with turntable decksterity that gets any crowds attention. It’s not just the infectious nature of heavy dub bass and ska chops over a hip-hop backbeat that gets them moving. Nor is it the cutting edge lyricism delivered with unwavering tenacity that holds the attention until the encore. Babyhead has an intangible quality often been summed up by one word - ENERGY. It’s this energy combined with their unique sound and showmanship that has been catching the attention of the industry.”

In fact, they were so fecking good that if I ever get married... um, er, again that is... I’m gonna have them play at the wedding... them and the Roaring Forties of course... and obviously the Sunbeams as well... damn, that’s gonna be some night... and I don’t care how much it costs... and you’re all invited... babyboom town, na na na na na na, babyboom town, na na na na na na...

Babyhead Cyrpus Avenue

Can you feel the Force?

2007-03-13T01:02:00.000Z

Back in the good old days, Lucasarts used to put their talents to proper use and made excellent games like “Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis”, “Day of the Tentacle” and “Monkey Island.” In particular, they made some stonkingly excellent Star Wars games like “Tie Fighter” and “Dark Forces.” However, let’s be brutally honest, they have constantly and disappointingly produced nothing but total crap for most of the last ten years or so, which is why these latest images have me salivating at the mouth! Currently in production, “The Force Unleashed” is Lucasarts’ next-gen Star Wars game and all reports to date seem to be very encouraging. Not only do you get to play as a particularly nasty Sith badass tasked with carrying out Darth Vader’s rather nefarious bidding, Lucasarts have added some new next-gen technologies into their game engine that should result in a far more rewarding experience.

First up is Digital Molecular Matter (DMM), which when heaped on the top of the by now passé Havok Physics allows you to break and destroy things like never before in a gaming environment, basically allowing you to be a totally psychotic destructive bastard, particularly when combined with your Force powers. Break things, smash things, telekinetically rip things apart and throw other characters through walls and generally cause sheer mayhem. Also on offer is Euphoria, a new behavioural simulation engine that allows in game characters to react and behave in a non-scripted, non-predetermined manner, thus allowing them to respond more naturally to your actions. What this essentially means is that when you act like a scary badass motherfucker, like suspending someone in mid-air while simultaneously crushing and electrocuting them before exploding them into a million little pieces, other in game characters will quite quickly get the message and practically wet themselves if you even look in their general direction.

Make believe that your victims are your really annoying boss and I’m sure you’ll enjoy developing many strange and gruesome ways of terminating their in-game existence after a stressful day at work. Of course not my boss you understand as he’s actually pretty decent and might quite possibly be reading this.

Lucasarts Star Wars

Drum & Bass Impact at Cruiscín Lán

2007-03-05T18:29:00.000Z

Ricky Force

FiCTiON

Ricky Force

Some nutter trying to dance!

The start of March saw the return of the Impact drum and bass night to the Cruiscín Lán. As the last previous Impact night was way back some time last year, it was nice to see its revival. In fairness, FiCTiON and the rest of the Impact crew do a great job at running it, a thankless task if ever there was one.

As usual, there was a good line-up of djs, some local, some not but all great, although to be honest the dub reggae bit in the middle of the night kind of lost me but heh, that’s just me, it simply wasn’t my kind of thing. Anyway, when all was said and done, it was another great drum and bass escapade, albeit a rather sweaty one as that place badly needs some kind of air conditioning!

If you like drum and bass, check out the next Impact night on the 14th April.

Drum and Bass

(Once again, thanks to Pat de Butcher for the photos.)

Happy Birthday 2000AD

2007-02-28T18:57:00.000Z

2000AD is Britain's cult sci-fi comic, and has been at the cutting edge of contemporary pop culture since 1977. It's a multi-award winning cocktail of explosive sci-fi and fantasy, infused with a mean streak of irony and wry black humour. Imaginative, hard-hitting stories and eye-popping art have made 2000AD essential reading for its legion of fiercely loyal fans.

2000AD has been a proving ground for the finest young writers and artists of the generation, and many of the biggest names in comics today honed their skills within its pages. It has become synonymous with the very finest in comics art, and has won the Best British Comic award at the UK Comic Art Awards, National Comics Awards and Eagle Awards too many times to list.

2000AD is 30 years old today and I’ve been reading it since 1977, which is kind of a little bit scary if not downright disturbing.

2000AD

(This is just one of my favourite recent covers.)

Goldie at the Savoy

2007-02-20T18:12:00.000Z

Goldie played at the Savoy last Friday, it was the night after the Bodega closing party so I was a bit wrecked and taken completely off guard when one of the door staff shouted after me and wryly told me not to be dancing on tables that evening... different venue, small town, same door staff. :-)

I was too late to see Tone Control playing their support gig and I only caught the end of Source’s warm up set but at least I made it in time for the main man. Sadly, I am a complete drum and bass addict and spent the best part of two hours gracing the floor with my fantabulous moves. Well, someone has to show these young people how to dance proper. On the other hand, I’m getting too old for this and my knees can only take so much punishment. :-)

Goldie played a nice set that went down well with the crowd but I was half deaf by the end of the night, too much bass is bad for you it seems. Anyway, why worry, DJ Deep was probably going to wreck the other half of my hearing the following night, so what the heck!

Goldie Tone Control

(Thanks to Pat de Butcher for the fantastic photos.)

UPDATE: If you're into drum and bass, be sure to check out the next Impact night at An Cruiscín Lán on Saturday 3rd March, check out the cool poster below. Gearoid (FiCTiON) and his buddies do a fantastic job in organising the Impact nights and truly deserve tons of support and respect.

Last Call at the Bodega

2007-02-20T18:11:00.000Z

The Bodega closed last Thursday night, 15th February 2007. Now I have to admit that the Bodega wasn’t a regular haunt of mine but given that the fact that it was closing was a small bit of Cork history in the making and not to mention the fact that there were three fantastic bands and two fine dj's (as you can see from the menu) playing on the night, myself, Betty and Donal decided that we should would get off our butts and make an effort to turn up for the party.

The Roaring Forties started off proceedings and were brilliant as usual but to be honest the sound was terrible during their set, which was pretty ironic because as soon as they finished George, their lead singer, took over the sound engineering duties and obviously worked his magic as the sound was perfect for Arm The Elderly and The Sunbeams, who both played terrific but very different sets.

Sadly, Betty and Donal wimped off shortly after K and C arrived, which was a pity because things really took off afterwards. Once the dj's started playing, a few people hopped onto the bar and started dancing and soon the entire bar counter was full of dancers and then we all started dancing on the tables, which is good fun but kind of tricky at the same time. Loads of people were taking photos and videos but unfortunately the battery in my camera was dead so I didn’t get any! If anyone out there has some, I’d love to see them. Finally, the police arrived at around 2:30am and the door staff eventually threw our sorry asses out onto the street... for the last time ever.

The Roaring Forties Arm The Elderly The Sunbeams

(Thanks to Mozzer for the photo of the menu.)

Trio Tekke at An Spailpín Fanác

2007-02-16T10:03:00.000Z

A couple of weeks ago, a group called Trio Tekke played at An Spailpín Fánac. Trio Tekke are a three piece band consisting of two Cypriot and one Anglo-Chilean musicians, who play traditional Greek Rembetika combined with contemporary reggae and Latin rhythms, although to be perfectly honest, it was all Greek to me! (*groan*)

A pleasant support act, whose name escapes me, warmed us up nicely with a somewhat eclectic set of traditional music from across Europe including Macedonian and Turkish folk songs. Eventually, Trio Tekke took to the stage with the minimum of fuss and proceeded to do their thing. The played a good mix of upbeat and down tempo tunes and at times we really wished we had bought a few plates with us just to smash on the floor although the scarcity of delph was somewhat made up for by the crazy Greek girl who entertained us all with her dancing, that and way too many Scooby Doo jokes... but I’m just too tired to explain what that was all about.

Trio Tekke Rembetika Scooby Doo

Saint Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T10:04:00.000Z

Today is Valentine’s Day and ok, it has probably turned into something very commercial and tacky but let’s not lose sight of the underlying message, which is all about love. Life can be tough at times, so what’s wrong with a day that celebrates something nice like love even if it has been hijacked by commercial interests.

Kind of on the subject of romance, last night I was a bit wrecked so I sat down in front of the tv and watched “You’ve Got Mail.” For some reason, I really like romantic comedies; maybe I’m just a sucker for the inevitable happy ending. Anyway, what could be better than sitting in front of the tv enjoying something funny that makes you laugh out loud and feel good? Well, maybe one thing I suppose... to shamelessly paraphrase Jack... watching it with someone who makes you want to be a better man.

Valentine's Day You’ve Got Mail Romantic Comedies

Buile Buile Cheíle at the Roundy

2007-02-06T21:48:00.000Z

Recently I went to a new weekly Sunday night gig at the Roundy called Buile Buile Cheíle with Donal. Basically, he needed someone to hold his camera bag while he did his thing taking pictures but heh, I’m not proud and it got me out of the house. The night itself features different artists each week so you might want to pick and choose, just check out CorkGigs for details of who’s playing.

The opening gig was nothing short of an eclectic cross-cultural mix of traditional Irish, African and Latin American styles and rhythms. While all of the artists on the night were excellent, I suppose the highlight was Rónán Ó Snodaigh from the band Kíla, who is undoubtedly completely bonkers and mad as a hatter but all of the better for it, I reckon. Donal will probably have some pictures of the night up on his own blog sometime later this year but given his current photographic backlog, I’m not holding my breath!

Rónán Ó Snodaigh Kíla

Fish Go Deep at Fast Eddies

2007-01-04T17:13:00.000Z

Cork seemed unusually quite over Christmas, it was like everyone had fecked off somewhere else for the holidays or maybe it was just because Christmas fell on a Monday. Either way, there were not many people about the few nights I ventured out, which was kind of nice in some ways as places weren’t packed and things felt a little more relaxed and less hectic. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I found myself in Fast Eddies on Saturday night of Christmas week for Greg and Shane’s year end bash as I was in need of a serious bout of dancing to wipe away the cobwebs.

Greg Dowling and Shane Johnson have been playing records for the last twenty years or so and were resident dj’s at the legendary Sweat club night at Sir Henrys, which even made it onto Muzik magazine’s best club nights chart back in the day. I fondly remember dancing my butt off when Greg used to play mostly hip hop at Sir Henrys way back (so far back it’s not funny any more :-) and in fact, now that I think about it, the fecker still owes me a tape onto which he was supposed to copy EPMD’s first album, heh, I still have hope!

In more recent times, the duo have been producing their own deep house tracks that have appeared on various labels throughout the world and their most recent track, “The Cure and the Cause”, on their own label, Ork Recordings, made it into the UK chart and was actually number one (I think) on the UK dance chart. The pair now have a regular Saturday night residency in Fast Eddies, a great Friday night radio show on RedFM and spend the rest of their time travelling around the world playing records for fun... probably... the lucky bastards! :-)

Anyway, Greg got the show on the road and played some gorgeous tunes that practically dragged you onto the dance floor and literally made you want to dance. To be honest, I found it a little difficult at first and even though I’m used to dancing to regular house music, hip hop and even drum and bass, I found that the slower tempo of deep house with its less pronounced emphasis on percussion took a little getting used to, a first world problem I guess! Shane took over for the second half of the night and continued to pour out the musical goodness and everyone was in dancing heaven by the end of it all.

Finally, I’d just like to give a big shout out (yes, I know how stupid that sounds, like me and the massive, aieeeee :-) to New York Clubber and Radio Rock Girl (ok, so it’s not getting any better) whom I met on the night and who had come to Cork especially to see Greg and Shane play. Two very nice people even if they did tease me with tales of fabulous New York club nights over coffee afterwards.

Fish Go Deep Ork Recordings RedFM

Well Red at the Tikki Lounge

2007-01-04T17:04:00.000Z

A week before Christmas I went to see a free (well, almost free, I’ll explain later) gig by a local Cork act called Well Red at the Tikki Lounge. Now just to put this in it’s proper perspective, me deciding to go see an acoustic gig by a group like Well Red would be similar to Betty the Sheep waking up one morning and deciding that what she really needed was a good night out dancing her butt off to drum and bass... let’s just say, the chances of that happening are slim to say the least... I suppose I was in a somewhat funny mood that day.

Like a lot of plans, this one didn’t quite go to schedule and the gig was half over by the time I arrived and the band were actually on a break. Nevertheless, I made myself comfortable and awaited their return. Well Red is a three person act consisting of the inimitable AJ and Tom on guitar and the lovely Lyn on violin. According to the bios on their website (a link to which is displayed at the end of this post), AJ has been playing guitar for the last 348 years and has a passion for bacon and cabbage whereas Tom spends most of his time listening to the Beatles and laughing at AJ’s jokes and finally Lyn, who must undoubtedly be one of the cutest violin players in the country (it’s comments like this that usually get me into trouble :-), apparently has a habit of joining bands at Karate classes when she’s not busy eating waffles and listening to Jamiraquoi.

Anyway, the band eventually finished their break and returned to the playing area at the back of the Tikki Lounge. As I had never seen them play before, I didn’t quite know what to expect. Also, given that I’m not really that much of an acoustic music fan, I was a little unsure as to whether I would enjoy their music. However, the five or six songs that they played were very good and well performed. That said, the undoubted highlight of the night for me was “Woman on a Bus”, which is an incredibly good song that was brilliantly sung on the night. This song is actually available as a free download on their website, so if I were you, I’d check it out. I’m a little surprised it’s available for free as I would seriously consider buying it if it were released as a single.

The Tikki Lounge was an excellent and intimate venue for a small acoustic group like Well Red and there was a very nice atmosphere on the night, although given the banter being exchanged between AJ and the audience, I’m pretty sure he knew most of them but it’s always nice when your friends come out to give you a little support and it did provide some light comic relief between each song. Oh yeah, while the gig was free, a tip bowl was passed around into which you could throw a few Euros just to show your appreciation, something I was more than happy to do. All in all, a nice gig from a good act, who are worth checking out if you get the chance.

Well Red "Woman on a Bus"

Rodrigo y Gabriela at the Savoy

2006-12-14T17:39:00.000Z

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, under no circumstances should the mystical powers of a chicken baguette be underestimated and so it was that last Monday evening I found myself with an unexplainable longing for one of Abrakebabra’s finest. I reckon that one should always give into one’s whimsical notions now and again so, in an impromptu moment of madness, I concluded that the only course of action open to me was to jump into the car and go and get one. After a brief trip into town, I found a parking space and headed on foot for Abrakebabra on Patrick Street.

As I passed by the Savoy, I was slightly bemused to notice that it was open on a Monday evening and that there seemed to be a lot of people milling about. Suddenly I remembered that Rodrigo y Gabriela were playing that evening and, as I had always wanted to see them play, I decided to chance my arm and wander over in the slightly mad hope that there might be some tickets available on the door. Fortunately, my luck was in and after parting with a cool €30, I was on my way!

Rodrigo Sanchez and Gabriela Quintero are two incredibly talented Mexican guitarists who met as teenagers in Mexico City. In 1999, the decided to head for Europe and landed in Dublin where they ended up busking, playing at weddings and corporate functions and anything that came their way. Eventually, they became better known, got better gigs, travelled around Europe and the rest, as they say, is history. Their latest album went to number one in Ireland, they’ve appeared on “Later with Jools Holland” on BBC2 recently and are scheduled to perform on David Letterman’s show in the USA next week. Not bad for a couple of wayward Mexicans who started out busking on the streets of Dublin!

Anyway, back to the concert. Prior to that evening I had never actually even heard any music by Rodrigo y Gabriela but I had read a lot about them and while I was excited by the prospect I wasn’t 100% sure of what to expect. The Savoy was absolutely packed and the duo were greeted with a rapturous applause when they took to the stage. What followed was a blissful two hours of unbelievable music that completely blew me away. I love going into a gig with no idea of what to expect only for it to turn out to be something mind-blowingly amazing. Musically, it was a virtuoso performance by two exceptionally talented musicians who obviously love what they do.

The first thing to strike me was the variety and range of sounds that I was hearing, I had to constantly remind myself that these were just two people with guitars as the skill with which they also employed them as percussion instruments to produce sounds beyond the normal range of an acoustic guitar was staggering. The second aspect of their playing that left me totally awestruck was the incomparable manual dexterity being engaged to produce their music. The large video screens in the Savoy really allowed the audience to appreciate the skilfulness of these musicians and at times I just found myself gawking open-mouthed and thinking that what I was seeing was simply impossible. I unequivocally enjoyed every track they played from their masterful rendition of the classic jazz tune “Take Five” to their captivating heavy metal covers, all of which were enthused with their own inimitable Latin magic. If you ever get a chance to see them play, don’t pass it up.

Finally, for those of you that care, I eventually managed to get my hands on a chicken baguette after the concert and it was absolutely yummy. On the other hand, that was after a very strange bunch of French people who were giving away free sandwiches with French sausage on Patrick Street tried to fob off their wares upon me... if anyone knows what the frick that was all about, I’d love to know!

Rodrigo y Gabriela Abrakebabra The Savoy

Fabio & Jet Li at the Savoy

2006-12-12T16:33:00.000Z

Fabio, supported by Jet Li, played at The Savoy last Friday and after the full-on-in-your-face intensity of the Pendulum gig (ok, so I was too lazy to put up a post about it :-) a few weeks prior, I was looking forward to another great night of incredible drum and bass musicality and madcap energy sapping dance floor antics. Sadly, the night started badly when Snow Girl decided that studying for exams should be allocated a higher priority than drinking and dancing but a small thing like that wasn’t going to deter me from going to a Fabio gig, besides, Pat da Butcher had ominously warned that he was planning to train his camera on my groovetastic (legend in my own mind :-) dance floor shenanigans so I didn’t want to disappoint.

This time I arrived early enough to catch most of Jet Li’s support set, which was very good. Jet Li usually seems to play too many hardcore tracks for my own personal tastes but this time I really enjoyed his selection, maybe he was just attempting to put us in the mood for Fabio’s upcoming set? Anyways, I had a quick chat with him afterwards, where we both lamented the fact that the Savoy was half-empty, which was a shame given that Fabio is such a high profile drum and bass dj. Also, I was delighted to receive a free copy of a Jet Li drum and bass mix cd, which I have listened to far too many times since. Allegedly, Jet Li was the original brainchild behind the infamous Jungle Republic, which used to be held on Valentia Island of all places, and you can check out his myspace using the link at the end of this post.

Fabio took to the decks promptly after Jet Li and proceeded to play an absolutely gorgeous set of tunes. Fabio is well known and respected in drum and bass circles and hosts a weekly drum and bass show on BBC Radio 1 with Grooverider. I was well pleased with Fabio’s selection of tracks and spent most of the two hours (ouch) dancing. I’ve pleasantly discovered that drum and bass is a pretty good way to forget about your troubles for an hour or two. As well, given the relatively poor turnout, there was plenty of room for dancing although the night did lack the manic yet pleasant bonhomie of the previous Pendulum gig. To be honest, crowd wise it was a strange night and it appeared that the hardcore Cork drum and bass headz were the only ones to have bothered getting out of bed that evening. Everyone else must have been off at Christmas parties like Pat da Butcher, so fortunately no embarrassing pictures were taken - better luck next time suckers! :-)

Fabio Jet Li Drum’n’Bass The Savoy

The Songbook

2006-11-15T18:27:00.000Z

The idea of the “Songbook”, a means of describing yourself using only song titles, seems to have been created by Cayetana Altovoltaje, who purports to be from Tonga but is living in Manchester and who wrote the original song book in Spanish. It was then translated into English by Ivonne, who is an Italian living in Manchester and is apparently sharing a house with Cayetana. By the time China Blue used it on her blog, I suspect some of the original meaning was lost in translation, notably “goodbye” turning into “wrap it up”, which then turned into “rap it up”, which has caused a little bit of confusion.

Anyway, as China Blue “tagged” me to produce my own copy of the song book... yes, yes, I realise all of this is dreadfully sad in many ways but what can you do except roll with it as life’s too short to be worried about crap like that... I asked my sister, who lives in Spain, to re-translate the original Spanish just to see if anything had gone awry, which is why my version is slightly different from the previous one. Also, I rearranged the order of some of the questions just because I’m a langer like that! :-)

Ok, the rules are simple. You have to answer each of the questions using song titles only, you must use at least one song for each question but you can use more than one if you like. Supposedly, this will give everyone an idea of the kind of music that you like as well as giving all and sundry an interesting insight into your personality... err, um... like, totally... for sure... how could it not be true?

As for my answers, don’t take them too seriously, I’m not that arrogant... well, at least not most of the time... huh, why are you laughing, did I say something funny?

Are you a man or a woman?
The Man Machine – Kraftwerk / Senor Coconut

Describe yourself?
Blue Eyes - Senor Coconut
I’m A Good Man – Martin Solveig
I Got Rhythm – Sarah Vaughan
So Much Better At Bad – Latin Hustlers featuring Cate
Twisted – Camel Riders featuring NKemdi
You Can’t Change Me – Roger Sanchez featuring Armand Van Helden & N’Dea Davenport

How do you feel?
Happy – Max Sedgley
Lazy – X Press 2
Fascinated – Raven Maize

How do people feel when they are around you?
Mice In The Presence Of The Lion – Hardnoise

Describe your last previous romantic relationship?
Kiss Kiss Kiss – Ananda Project featuring Heather Johnson
Loving You – Poker Pets
Needin’ U (I Needed U) – David Morales presents The Face featuring Juliet Roberts
The Real Life – Raven Maize
A Million Stories – The Cuban Brothers
Things Ain’t What They Used To Be – Oscar Peterson
Comfortably Numb – Scissor Sisters
It Just Won’t Do – Tim Deluxe featuring Sam Obernik

Describe your current (or desired) romantic relationship?
Beautiful Otherness - Bent
I Know You Got Soul – Eric B & Rakim
You Groove Me – Jon Cutler featuring Kemdi
Music Sounds Better With You - Stardust
Loving You More – Steve Mac versus Mosquito featuring Steve Smith
Destination Unknown – Guadino featuring Crystal Waters

How do you feel about love?
Love Is Love – Righteous featuring MJ White

How is your life at the moment?
Things Are Swingin’ – Peggy Lee

Where would you like to be right now?
Let’s Go To Bed – No Angels

What would you ask for if you had just one wish?
I Don’t Know – Beastie Boys

Write yourself a snazzy quote or catchphrase?
Less Talk More Action – Tim Deluxe featuring Terra Deva

Now say goodbye!
Turn Off The Light – Nelly Furtado
Before You Leave – Pepe Deluxe

The Cuban Brothers at the Savoy

2006-11-02T16:46:00.000Z

Last weekend was the October bank holiday weekend, which coincides with the Guinness Cork Jazz Festival. As it is a well established tradition at this stage, it duly rained for most of the time but I suppose we just expect it by now so it doesn’t really put a damper on proceedings. On the jazz front, we ended up in the Metropole Hotel on Sunday night, the highlight of which was a great performance by the Roaring Forties (yes, them again, it’s getting embarrassing, we’re practically groupies) in the Rhythm Room, plenty of fun on the dance floor and some great swing jazz. Unfortunately, none of us had a camera that evening so no pictures of same.

I missed People Under The Stairs and Giant Panda on Sunday as even I can’t be in two places at the same time, so the musical highlight of my weekend was seeing the Cuban Brothers at the Savoy on Monday night instead. I was delighted when I first heard that the Cuban Brothers were coming back to Cork and I rushed out and bought some tickets as soon as I could just in case they were all snapped up. Sadly, the turnout on the night was disappointing, not terrible or anything but it definitely suffered from being scheduled at the end of a long weekend with most of us having to get up for work the following morning. Nevertheless, it didn’t hinder my enjoyment of the night and at least there was plenty of room to dance.

One of the first things that hit me when we arrived, apart from the huge empty dance floor except for one steadfast diehard - pink fluffy hat girl, you know who you are and you had some pretty good moves out there as well - and the rather quirky yet cute couple who were having a lot of fun prancing about the place, was the excellent dance music coming from the club’s speakers. Clemente of the Cuban Brothers had already taken to the decks and was pumping out some gorgeous choons, really delicious tracks most of which seemed to be some kind of fiendish fusion between a seventies disco break and a modern house beat finished with a subtle hint of Latin magic... so good you could almost taste it!

Eventually the rest of gang, Miguel, Archerio and Kengo San, took to the stage and that’s when the fun really began. Loud yellow suits, dazzling red jackets with matching shorts and argyle socks (yikes!), crazy purple jumpsuits, novelty thongs, roller skates, break dancing, audience participation and other bizarre stuff. For me, the entire night was one of the funniest most outrageous gigs I’ve been too, all of it taking place against a backdrop of some incredible music. In fairness, these guys have played at private parties with the Hoff and now you can’t get cooler than that, can you?

I tried to take some decent photos on the night but as you can’t really use a flash and as most digital cameras are not very good in low light conditions (unless you have a snazzy one like Donal) the results were pretty mixed and not great overall. That said, hopefully they show some flavour of the night including the slow but steady rate at which Miguel’s clothing seem to disappear until he was literally running around the Savoy bollox naked singing on top of the bar, dancing butt naked with the all too willing Cork girls and generally acting the langer, in a fun way of course. I suppose we should have seen it coming as he spent most of the evening grasping his crotch and encouraging the girlies at the front of the stage to have a feel as well, who of course duly obliged. Even so, I’d wager the full frontal still took most of us by surprise!

Overall, I’d have to say that the Cuban Brothers are one of a select few acts where I would recommend you to take whatever steps are necessary to go see them if they ever end up end up playing at a venue near you. The other two acts currently on this favoured list of mine would be Senor Coconut and the Roaring Forties. Any of these groups will practically guarantee you a great fun filled night out!

The Cuban Brothers Senor Coconut The Roaring Forties Guinness Cork Jazz Festival The Savoy

The Roaring Forties

2006-10-17T20:11:00.000+01:00

Cos he's the Shiek of Cork City!

Last of the Mohicans

Seems like a good idea when you're drunk!

George and Magnum discuss fashion.

Back when socks were cool!

The Roaring Forties are playing at the Half Moon this Friday evening and to be honest I just can’t wait and I’m looking forward to a really good show. I haven’t seen them live in what seems like ages, I think the last time was in December during the week before Christmas so I’m well due a fix by now. Furthermore, as I have now officially decided that The Roaring Forties are one of my all-time favourite bands, the time has come to celebrate this wondrous epiphany by explaining to you all what makes them so damn great. (Look, I really resent the fact that some of you are already thinking that this is nothing more than a cheap shot at trying to get on the guest list!)

The Roaring Forties are fun! Yes, fun I say, you know that thing that you used to love when you were a kid. Of course by now it’s probably been beaten out of most of you and some of you might have only a vague glimmer of what having fun used to feel like. However, fret not, for help is at hand in the form of this wonderful band and if you want a great night out that is guaranteed to wash away the cobwebs and bring a big beaming smile to your inner child then you really owe it to yourself to get your ass down to the Half Moon on Friday. (Anyway, I’d be more than happy to pay to see them play, come on, guest lists are for cheapskates.)

The Roaring Forties are funny! No, this is not the same as the previous point as fun and funny are two completely different things altogether. Ok, fair enough, they’re not all funny... look, alright, alright, I’ll admit that apart from Julian’s suits (thanks for the complimentary tickets to the Bubble Brothers’ Wine Bash by way, legend man) that George is the only funny one but he’s funny enough to make up for rest of those moody feckers although in fairness to Julian he does make a reasonable effort and does smile a lot while drumming. But I digress, George is a funny guy and if his off the cuff quips don’t bring a smile to your face then I’m afraid there’s simply no hope for you. Just take a look at some of the photos to the left and come to your own conclusions. (In fairness, I’d be totally mortified and embarrassed if I was put on the guest list.)

The Roaring Forties encourage dancing! Stop, don’t panic, dancing is good. No matter what bullshit you feed me, I know you wallflowers are not truly happy standing there with that grim countenance and glazed “you must be fucking joking if you think you’re getting me out there” look across your face. Anyway, it matters not because it’s practically impossible to spend the night sitting on your ass at a Roaring Forties gig. Their infectious swing jazz rhythms will not so much gently coax you out of your seat and onto the dance floor but are more likely to light a stick of dynamite under your chair and strongly urge you to get your ass on the floor while you still can. Once you’re there, you can prance about like an idiot just like the rest of us, except for George of course, who is a very good dancer, why he hasn’t yet appeared on “Celebrity Strictly Come Dancing” is an absolute mystery to me. (Look, I’m not just buttering up George to try and get on the guest list, what is wrong with you people!)

The Roaring Forties are talented! What, you thought I was just buying into the image without worrying about the substance. I’m afraid not, unfortunately I’ll have to admit that they’re also a very talented bunch of musicians. (As if they’re frickin’ heads weren’t big enough already, now they’re just going to be insufferable.) I have to say that I was totally blown away the first time I heard Gareth’s guitar playing, he was like Django Reinhardt on acid, although now that he has left, I’m looking forward to hearing Pedro play. And I suppose you’re right, the geezer that does the singing - what his name again? - he’s not bad either I suppose. (Like, they probably don’t even have a guest list and if they do then it’s probably full anyway.)

The Roaring Forties are nice! No, I don’t mean like ice-cream or jelly babies, I mean they’re nice people. You know, the kind of guys who could play in your granny’s front room without making a mess or breaking any of the good china. Seriously though, these guys are just nice decent people who probably wouldn’t cross to the other side of the street to avoid you and who are very friendly and approachable and who are mainly concerned with ensuring that you have a terrific night out when you come to see them. And if you can’t make it on Friday then be sure to check out the gig list on their website so that you can catch them another night. Take it from me, you won’t be sorry. (Now if that doesn’t get me on the fucking guest list then I frickin’ give up!)

The Roaring Forties The Half Moon Theatre Bubble Brothers Strictly Come Dancing Django Reinhardt

Since posting this, I have been informed that this is possible one of the most sycophantic, vomit inducing, subtle as a brick posts that I have ever written and that some of you are still cringing in embarrassment on my behalf. Damn, what can I say... I was just trying to be nice and a little funny at the same time. Look, never mind, just look at the pictures and ignore the words. :-)

Public Enemy at the Savoy

2006-10-14T17:36:00.000+01:00

The infamous PE logo!

Flavor Flav rocks the Savoy!

Some of the crowd knew what time it was!

Chuck D and Stevie G

Earlier this week, Public Enemy played at the Savoy. Yes, that’s right, Public Enemy, one of the greatest hip hop groups of all time played in this here great People’s Republic of Cork for the first and possibly only time ever! While it might be fair to say that on a musical level Public Enemy have waned in the last ten years and have never quite managed to regain the inspirational heights of their first ten years, apart from the odd track here and there, it is important to look at Public Enemy from the right perspective.

Personally, I still remember the first time I listened to "Yo! Bumrush The Show", their first album, on a bootleg tape that some very kind hip hop heads in Carrigaline made for me as it was practically impossible to find any hip hop music in Cork back in those days. To say that I was literally blown away would be an understatement, the entire album was simply brilliant, an incredible synthesis of intelligent militant lyrics and skilfully crafted beats combined together into the distinctive PE sound that sent shockwaves through the commercial music world and added further fuel to the continued rise of Def Jam Recordings, who had already unleashed LL Cool J and were fast becoming one of the most pivotal and influential hip hop labels of the time.

Anyway, as luck would have it, I was on the guest list again, yes, I know, that’s twice in one week but you should never look a gift horse in the mouth apparently, so I convinced my good friend Betty the Sheep to tag along with me (you can read her musings about the night by clicking here) and I treated my younger brother, who’s a mad hip hop fan, to a ticket because that’s just how nice I am. :-) So off we went like the three musketeers sans D’Arthagnan on our merry way. Unfortunately, we missed Arm The Elderly, the support act, as we stopped for a drink at the Woodford on the way but I’m pretty sure that they didn’t notice that we were missing and I suspect they must have been thrilled to play support to the likes of Public Enemy.

When Chuck D and Professor Griff appeared on stage I was a little overawed and when Flavor Flav finally came out, the whole place erupted into applause. Come on, who doesn’t like Flavor Flav??? The guys a frickin’ legend and like don’t you just have to dig those clocks! To their credit, PE started churning out the hits from the get go and the large crowd seemed to be really enjoying it all and I’d wager that most of them were more than a little wrecked by the time the band left the stage over two hours later.

While personally I really enjoyed the gig and thought it was good if not brilliant, their sound felt more like a rock group than a hip hop group and given that they had a drummer and two guitarists playing with them, I suppose this isn’t surprising. However, my main complaint in this respect would be that this is not the same Public Enemy you would hear on one of their albums, in fact it’s an entirely different PE sound. Ok, I admit that it’s probably difficult to replicate in a live context the production techniques that go into generating a studio hip hop sound and also that many people might really enjoy the alternative live PE sound but for me personally it just wasn’t the same. On the other hand, seeing Public Enemy in the flesh was an experience in its own right and, at the end of the day, was well worth the effort. :-)

(By the way, thanks to Stevie G for letting me steal his photos without busting a cap in my ass!)

DJ Cash Money at the Savoy

2006-10-14T01:24:00.000+01:00

Girls always like some Cash Money!

Stevie G and Cash Money's MC

My signed copy of "Where's The Party At?"

The last time DJ Cash Money was in town he played on a Sunday night and as we were a little wrecked we ended up having to leave just as things were livening up, as related in one of my previous posts. Fortunately, he was back again last weekend and this time round he was playing on a Friday night, which meant that we were able to sample the full delights of his show.

As our names had been added to the guest list (oh, how posh), the night started well as it’s always nice to wander in fashionably late, declare that you are on “the list” and toddle in for free, it kind of leaves a warm cheap glow in your pocket. This time round, Cash Money started banging out the tunes from the word go, in stark contrast to the previous gig where he slowly built things up for the first hour or so and then began to get things moving just as we had to leave. However, I would have liked if he had played a few more old school hip hop tunes rather than churning out the crowd pleasers but I suppose it’s hard to please everyone all of the time.

At this point, I’d like to give a mention to the really friendly but kind of freaky guy who came up to us out of the blue and told us that if we’d both dance with him for ten minutes that he’d go away and leave us alone, I think he said his name was Kieran but I’m not sure. Anyway, a pretty surreal bout of dancing ensued with all kinds of freaky vogue like moves, interspersed with quizzical glances between the two of us, both of us worriedly wondering how long it would be before he asked us if we fancied a threesome! Luckily, he was true to his word and once the dancing was done he just wandered off to find his next victims. Oddly enough, for some reason we seem to attract that kind of lunatic fringe attention but it was kind of fun at the time!

Finally, I’d just like to thank Stevie G for introducing me to Cash Money afterwards, who graciously signed my copy of his 1988 album, "Where’s The Party At," which I had brought with me just in case I got the opportunity to get it signed... sad I know but we all have our little foibles. :-)

Irish Weather

2006-10-06T18:59:00.001+01:00

Two of my pet hates are the weather and Irish. Not the actual real weather you understand, in fairness things would be kind of boring if we didn’t have weather not to mention the fact that you’d have nothing to talk about with strangers. No, I’m talking about weather forecasts on radio and television and while I’m at it I might as well take a swipe at all those sad people who insist on watching the weather forecast - “I’ll just hang on here now to see the weather forecast after the news” - with a strange look in their eyes like they’re getting some kind of freaky satisfaction out of it or something. My attitude is that I can’t fecking change it so I don’t frickin’ care, I suppose I reckon one’s attitude to the weather should be like assessing your chances with a woman, it’s probably best to just remain optimistic and simply hope for the best.

As for Irish, don’t get me started! Apart from the fact that it’s always fun to tease the die hard Gaelgoers, if not a little too easy, any residual love that I might have harboured for our native language was firmly thrashed out of me during thirteen years of torture inflicted upon me by the State and their insistence that I would learn Irish whether or not I really wanted to. In fact I would be willing to go further and argue that it is the actions of the uncompromising Irish lobby that are directly responsible for the poor regard in which me and many others hold the Irish language. Even more so, given the findings of recent studies that show that the level of Irish proficiency is nothing short of shocking given the obscene amount of money being spent teaching it, how long more will it take for common sense to prevail and for everyone to realise that forcing children and teenagers to learn something that has little practical use for most of them is not the way to endear them to the very thing you’re trying to promote and foster. Well, you get the picture, I hated Irish in school but the short-sighted bastards still forced me to do it, you wouldn’t believe how angry I feel when I think about how much I could have learned about other things of interest to me instead.

Now that you have an idea from where I’m coming in relation to both the weather and Irish, you can imagine my own incredulity at the fact that I now find that an unexpected combination of both the weather and Irish is forcing me to see both in an entirely new light! Unfortunately, even though I struggled hard and tried not to succumb, I’m afraid the unrelenting charms of the TG4 weather girls finally got to me in the end. Look, I’m only a weak man and I challenge any red-blooded male out there amongst you to deny that there’s not something incredibly sexy about those pretty TG4 weather girls blabbering away in Irish about the frickin’ weather of all things. Brought up on a strict RTE weather diet, Evelyn Cusack never did much for me when she rambled on about cold fronts, showers and gale force winds. Although in fairness, she has put in a good effort in recent years and looks a lot more stylish these days in stark contrast to the drab years of old. However, I’m afraid she just hasn’t a hope in Hell of competing with the likes of Aoife, Maighréad and Sinéad from TG4. Obviously they’re good looking and wear beautiful fashionable clothes that effectively enhance their overall appearance but, for me at least, it’s the way the Irish rolls of their tongues that turns the whole thing into something far more alluring - clocha sneachta, scamaill eadtrom, tintreach, báisteach, grianmhar - never have these words sounded so sexy as when they’re being spoken by a TG4 weather girl!

Personally, I think TG4 should be wholly applauded for their sterling efforts in bringing Irish to the masses in a manner that doesn’t immediately turn me off. And while the lads are well catered for, in fairness to TG4 there’s something for the ladies as well in the form of the inimitable Dáithí Ó Sé, a far cry from RTE’s poster boy, Gerald Fleming. Yes, I think all of you ladies would probably agree that if Dáithí borrowed Gerald’s famous catch phrase and said “goodnight to ya” with a little wink in his eye that it would be an entirely more satisfying experience!

Finally, I’ll close by mentioning that the TG4 weather is still sponsored by Smart Telecom and given the recent misfortunes of said company, I thought it was quite funny when the Smart Telecom advertisement appeared after the weather last night with the immortally priceless ironic phrase that it’s simple to be smart! Somehow I suspect that the interpretation that immediately popped into my head was not quite the kind of “simple” their marketing gurus originally had in mind...

The Muppet Matrix

2006-09-26T17:07:00.000+01:00

Sheer madness! Just press play and enjoy...

The Relationship Terminator

2006-09-25T21:03:00.000+01:00

I saw this news item earlier today and thought it was quite funny. I’m too lazy to dress it up, so what you see below is more or less the entire news article, lest I be accused of plagiarism!

From seemingly solid marriages through to quick flings and illicit affairs, a phone call or a knock from Bernd Dressler is guaranteed to kill the romance stone dead. Hence, the growing number of clients for his new "separation agency" that informs unsuspecting spouses and lovers that their partners no longer want them. For those too scared to break the bad news themselves, the 52 year old former insurance man will deliver the bullet with Teutonic efficiency, charging €20 to do it by phone and from €50 upwards for a "personalised" home visit.

"I am just the messenger," said Mr. Dressler, whose Berlin based business has earned him the nickname of the Terminator. "People go to dating agencies to find a lover. By helping unhappy couples to split up, I am offering the same kind of service, but in reverse," he says.

Beginning with a "let's stay friends" arrangement involving a "sensitive phone call", Mr. Dressler offers four different termination packages. At the deluxe end of the scale he will administer a "Personal Termination Call" which includes a detailed explanation as to why his client has decided to end the relationship. The follow-up service also includes discreetly collecting a client's belongings from a former lover's home.

The opening message can be delivered in a "sympathetic or direct manner", according to the wishes of the client. But in doorstep encounters, Mr. Dressler, 6ft and with the bearing of a police superintendent crossed with an undertaker, always opens with the same gambit. "I say to them, good day, my name is Bernd Dressler from the Separation Agency and I have been asked by your partner to inform you that he or she wishes to end your relationship. I don't get involved if somebody starts crying or gets emotional. I simply tell them I have come to pass on the message."

He never attempts to intervene in unhappy marriages and makes a point of ruling out clients with the potential for violence or extreme emotional behaviour. Cash must be delivered up front before any approach is made. Since he started his agency last July, he has received more than 200 inquiries from Germans stuck in dead end relationships and has enabled 120 of them to finally terminate their liaisons. Most customers are women in their early 20s. "I get about three phone calls a day," he said. "The peak periods are after holidays and weekends, when couples have suffered the most stress," he explained.

Mr. Dressler launched his agency after losing his job as an insurance company manager and spending three years touring around America on a Harley-Davidson motorcycle. However, while the business may be raking in the euros for Mr. Dressler, those on the receiving end of "The Terminator's" services are still coming to terms with it. He told Hagen, a 37 year old council official, that his relationship with his girlfriend, Heike, was over. "It hurt like hell at the time, but Mr. Dressler was very objective. I suppose it was the only way that Heike could tell me that things were over," Hagen said.

The Jive Aces at Soho

2006-09-24T23:30:00.000+01:00

These are pictures of the fabulous Jive Aces, a UK swing band from London. I first heard about these guys on the Roaring Forties website as both bands met recently at a Norwegian jazz festival. These guys are the business, come on, they’ve got coordinated yellow and pink suits and everything! If you don’t believe me, just download a few of their songs or videos from their website. Anyway, you can imagine my surprised delight when Julian, the notorious drummer and infamous style guru from the Roaring Forties, left a comment on my previous Doubletime post on Saturday stating that the Jive Aces would be playing in Soho (that’s the bar in Cork by the way, not the slightly dodgy part of London) that very same evening as part of the Beamish Experience. Well, I don’t know about you but I was well excited at the prospect of seeing such a great swing band in my own back yard.

Although, to be perfectly honest I was a little unsettled by the fact that they were playing in Soho, which if you ask me is even worse than Reardons, which is saying something! At least Reardons doesn’t have any pretensions, it knows it’s a tacky venue of last resort for drunken male tossers and desperate scantily-clad slappers and makes no apologies for being so. Heh, sorry if your feelings are hurt but I ain’t pulling no punches to avoid upsetting your fragile sensibilities. That said, the sweet irony about a place like Soho is that its owners and clientele are so self-deluded that they actually think that both it and they have class. Whereas the reality of the situation is that Soho is just the latest bar that the fashionable boys and girls about town, whose collective IQ would probably fall short of one average individual, have deemed the current in place to be seen until their herd like mentality kicks in again and they decide to move on to graze elsewhere. (Meow, bitchin’ form this evening!)

But I wasn’t going to let a small thing like that put me off. So off I went to spruce myself up, cursing the fact that everyone else had fecked off to see Tom Baxter in the Savoy, who by all accounts played a very good mixed set. Finally, suitably spruced up, I grabbed my camera (ok, a brief anorak moment, just cut me some slack) and headed off out into the pissing rain. Of course, thanks to said rain, it took me twenty minutes to find a parking space and after parking somewhere near the edge of hell, I grabbed my coat from the car and trekked off into the rain drenched night, somewhat vaguely in the direction of Soho.

One brisk walk later, which made Noah’s Ark and the whole flood thing look like a walk in the park, I arrived at the door of Soho with a bright eager look on my face. I’m going to see the Jive Aces don’t you know, they’re like a really happening swing band. It doesn’t bother me that they’re playing in a real trendy bar that’s about as appropriate as the frickin’ Pope hanging out in a strip club. Ya, like an innocent lamb to its unsuspecting slaughter. Unfortunately, so full of anticipation was I that I neglected to engage in my usual parley with the door staff, they’re people too you know and if treated right will never hassle you or give two hoots as to what you’re wearing. Anyway, big mistake! Mr. Brightside took one look at me and with a grim dour look politely informed me that they have a “dress code” and that I couldn’t go in because I was wearing sneakers. Suddenly, my Whatdafuckometer (patented by China Blue) kicked into action and my blissful haze of euphoric happiness was swiftly swept to one side. One quick argument later, during the course of which I told said bouncer what I thought of his stupid fucking dress code (they’re Converse One Stars for feck sake) and of his poxy trendy slapper joint, briefly interluded by a bizarre side conversation with a crazy French tourist who wanted to know if it was too late to have dinner at the restaurant above Soho and me trying to explain that despite any appearances to the contrary that I didn’t actually frickin’ work there and terminated with me quickly getting the hell out of there before the door man called in a half dozen of his buddies to collectively beat the living shit out of me down the dark alley conveniently located beside the entrance to Soho. Well, I did mention that it was a classy establishment.

So there you have it. There I was - wet, distraught and alone. I mean, I had even washed before I went out, like with soap and everything! It just wasn’t fair, the world can be a cruel and unforgiving place at times. Although on the one hand even though I didn’t get to see the Jive Aces, on the other hand I didn’t have to spend even five minutes in that shit hole. Hmmm, it doesn’t matter, I’m still cross. Cross with Soho and their stupid dress code! Cross with Beamish for making such a colossal fuck up when it comes to matching bands to appropriate venues! Cross with God for pissing rain all over me! Cross with the Jive Aces for not personally promising to play at my next birthday just to make up for the whole miserable experience, in fairness, I even bought their cd on their website earlier and you can’t say fairer than that! Cross with... look just cross because I wanna be! Grrr! Grrr! Grrr!

Kids, step away from the cross man, now come on children, let’s move along quickly...

(For a calmer version from someone who was let in, have a look at Donal's post.)

Doubletime at An Spailpin Fanac

2006-09-23T00:58:00.000+01:00

I’ve been to Doubletime twice during the last two months. Both times were good fun, the usual carry on, lots of pretty girls in fabulous dresses, DJ Gary doing his wild crazy thing, although lately he’s been stripping down to his vest and I’m not too sure if I approve! That said, the lack of air conditioning upstairs in the Spailpin does mean that it gets really hot.

Of course there was also plenty of mad dancing, look, it’s not like we have a clue of what we’re doing but everyone gives it a go and Doubletime is always a guaranteed good time. Anyway, I’ve ranted on about Doubletime many times in the past, so I’m not going to bore you all about it again this time. Instead, enjoy these few pictures and hopefully they’ll give you an idea of what you’re missing!

Roll on the next Doubletime...

WWO at Cyrpus Avenue

2006-09-22T22:48:00.000+01:00

A few months ago, a Polish hip hop group called WWO (pronounced vu-vu-oh) played at Cyprus Avenue on a Sunday evening. The published start time was 9pm but we all know that doesn’t mean shit, especially in Cyprus Avenue, which seems to be notorious for late starts. Anyways, my brother (who’s a mental hip hop fan) and I sauntered up to the door at around 9:30pm expecting to waltz in with the minimum of fuss. Heh, it was a Sunday evening and I wasn’t expecting much of a crowd for some unheard of Polish hip hop group. Au contraire my pretty ones, the place was jointed, it was like walking into downtown Warsaw! Eventually after the brother produced his passport (ah bless, like he’s only nineteen) and after forking over €20 each, which I reckoned was a bit rich for some obscure Polish rappers, we finally gained entrance to the said venue.

Inside, we hooked up with my brother’s Polish friends from work, who informed us that WWO are huge in Poland while we were listening to last few tracks of the support act, Sounds from the Hot Press. Eventually, after a long interlude, WWO took to the stage and after a few welcoming words in English they quickly reverted into Polish and it pretty much stayed that way for the remainder of the evening. It was obvious that the mostly Polish crowd were really enjoying the night although personally I thought the music was only ok but of course I didn’t understand a frickin’ word of the lyrics!

The night went well and it was interesting to be in the middle of such a large Polish crowd right in the middle of Cork city but it didn’t feel at all intimidating and everyone seemed nice enough. That said, one guy did invade the stage and attack one of the rappers and both of them and a security guard fell into the crowd during the ensuing scuffle, which was quickly joined by loads more bouncers. After a few brief minutes of madness, order was restored and the night resumed without incident. Although a few days later my brother told me that there was more trouble after the gig. Apparently, the guy who was thrown out went and got some of his buddies and attacked the band as they left Cyprus Avenue after the gig. More mayhem followed, guards arrived, people were arrested, you know, the usual. As far as I understand it, the Poles have their own east coast, west cost thing going on between Warsaw and Poznan. Ah well, some things never change.

Bits & Pieces

2006-08-12T16:48:00.000+01:00

Ok, stop getting your knickers in a twist, I’m here, I’m alive and rumours of my demise are greatly exaggerated! Yes, while it may have seemed like I fell off the World after sailing too close to the edge, the simple truth is I’ve been busy. Busy you say? Yes, busy I say! Busy working my butt off in order to ensure that I can continue to keep myself in the manner to which I’ve become accustomed. Anyway, let’s not kid ourselves that any of you lot really care one way or the other as I know only too well that you’re a pretty fickle bunch although you should feel free to disagree with me on that point. Still, it hasn’t been all work and no play, so if you have nothing better to be doing or you’re just bored at work then why not sit back and lose yourself in this brief rundown of what I’ve been up to for the last six weeks or so.

DJ Cash Money at the Savoy

Kanye West played in Cork at the beginning of July and one of my sister’s friends happened to be on the same plane when he flew in from London. I can just imagine what was going through his head when my sister’s very outgoing friend asked him “how’s it going Kanye” while they were waiting for their luggage, which was quickly followed by her sincere expression that everyone in Cork was “like really looking forward to the gig an’ all.” Ah well, you just can’t beat a bit of local colour! Anyway, I didn’t actually go the Kanye gig but I did drag myself and one other sorry soul to the after gig at the Savoy to hear DJ Cash Money spin some tunes. DJ Cash Money was World DJ Mixing Champion back in 1988, the same year he released his first album “Where’s The Party At?” on Sleeping Bag Records with an mc called Marvelous, a copy of which I’m holding in my hand as I write these very words. Featuring such classic tracks as “Find An Ugly Women” and “Ugly People Be Quiet” (not really sure what the whole ugly thing was all about), the prospect of seeing a genuine old school hip hop legend was too good an opportunity to pass up. And true to form, on the night Cash Money didn’t disappoint but as my partner in crime was pretty damn wrecked that Sunday evening, we had to leave just as things were getting lively but no worries, it was all good, they even had pole dancers, although I’m still trying to figure out what in the name of God they were doing there.

Doubletime at An Spailpin Fanach

Now onto something completely different. DJ Gary was back at An Spailpin Fanac in July with another terrific Doubletime night. For those of you that have never been, Doubletime is a swing jazz night, that’s dance music mainly from the forties and fifties in case you’re wondering. Gary played another excellent set of tunes that got us all out onto the packed dance floor shaking our booties and countless other dodgy body movements that are probably best left to your fertile imaginations! The great thing about a night like Doubletime is that it attracts such a nice good humoured bunch of people who are there because they like the music and because they like to dance. Also, there’s usually way more women than men, which from a guy’s perspective is never a bad thing. Yes, I think it would be fair to say that myself, Betty, RC and Super C had another fine time as Gary dropped those big band beats throughout the whole evening. Ok, so we all got a little freaked out when he stripped down to his vest and braces but luckily it didn’t go any further than that so like no real harm done I reckon. Anyway, I’m looking forward to the next week’s Doubletime and I would encourage all of you in Cork to try and make it, you know it makes sense.

Calibre at the Savoy

Ok, I’ve done some hip hop and some swing jazz, time for a little bit of drum and bass. For some strange reason, drum and bass seems to be a very hard sell amongst my small circle of friends and as I was pretty damn sure that I wouldn’t be able to convince anyone else to go, I had resigned myself to the fact that I would be all on my lonesome at the Calibre gig at the Savoy. That said, I’m not too easily deterred and such a small matter wasn’t going to the stop me from going. Even so, I did spend a bit of time on the forums at irishdrumandbass.com earlier that afternoon on the off chance I might strike up a conversation with someone that might be going and would take pity on me and my sorry plight. In fairness, Source, who was playing support on the night, did invite me to come up and say hello with a promise that he wouldn’t be too much of a langer about it if he hadn’t had too much to drink. Apart from that, the other main conversation thread was some geezer going by the monicker of “Pat da Butcher” bemoaning the fact that he couldn’t go as he couldn’t get a babysitter. The night itself turned out to be a rather intimate affair in the mezzanine section of the Savoy and after around half an hour I could no longer take any more and I simply had to start dancing. Calibre was good, damn good and too good in fact as the tunes he spun were responsible for keeping me dancing for over two and half hours, which quite simply left me swimming in my own sweat by the end of the night. (Sorry, were some of you eating? Please accept my apologies for inducing involuntary retching with that previous comment.) Anyway, what’s the last thing you need when you’re steeped in the fetching odour of your own sweat and are even beginning to disgust yourself? Well, I’m not sure but someone in the crowd calling out your name is probably not high up on the list. Bizarrely, it turns out that the aforementioned “Pat da Butcher” is someone I knew years ago and as it turns out, he did in fact manage to get a babysitter in the end and also happens to be well in with Jet Li (plain old Brian to his friends) and his inner circle of drum and bass good fellas. So at the next drum and bass night, I might actually know one or two people and hopefully will meet a few more of the local drum and bass heads as well. Finally, I was also introduced to a guy called Tim (now I’m tall but feck, this guy was like tall with a capital frickin’ T), who told me that I was “throwing shapes royal style” on the dance floor... look, I don’t care what the rest of you lot reckon, I’m taking it as a compliment.

Qool DJ Marv at the Savoy

Last Sunday, I went to see Qool DJ Marv at the Savoy. Qool DJ Marv is a hip hop dj from New York who has played all over the world and is a favourite at celebrity and entertainment industry shindigs. One of the first things I noticed when I got there was that the place was full of girls in hot pants. Now I’ve always been fond of girls in mini skirts (heh, I’m a man, we’re weak and easily pleased) but I swear to God, hot pants just take the biscuit! Come on, there’s just no way that those things can be legal and if that wasn’t bad enough, every girl wearing a hot pants had also decided to wear the tightest feckin’ top that they could find and then, just to add that final touch of class, most of these girls had completed their ensemble with a pair of FMB’s. Suffice it to say, the droolometer (something I picked up from China Blue) was well off the scale for most of the evening. Anyway, what was I talking about, oh yeah, Qool DJ Marv. Stevie G, who was playing support on the night, started things off with a great set and was followed by the man himself. Marv played some really great tunes, I particularly enjoyed “Witness” by Roots Manuva and “The Show” by Doug E. Fresh and the Get Fresh Crew brought big smiles to my face, Marv even played a Slick Rick track. Yes indeed, I’ve gotta be honest, it was another great hip hop night at the Savoy. Also, I was chatting briefly to Stevie G, who has some good pictures of the evening on his blog. By the way, did I mention the girls in hot pants?

I’m afraid that’s pretty much it on the music front. I’m looking forward to seeing WWO, a Polish hip hop group, at Cyprus Avenue tomorrow night. Also, I’m very excited by the news that Public Enemy will be playing at the Savoy in October. As I mentioned earlier, Doubletime is on next week and is well worth checking out. Finally, if you haven’t checked out the Roaring Forties website in while, they have some pictures from their trip to the USA, which are worth a look. I haven’t seen them play in ages and it would be nice if they did a gig in Cork sooner rather than later.

Quote of the Now and Then!

2006-07-28T17:50:00.000+01:00

"...lost in the loveliness of your beautiful otherness..."

From "Beautiful Otherness" by Bent.

Love Island

2006-07-11T00:09:00.000+01:00

OMFG! I just spent the last hour watching the new series of Love Island with my sister and her housemate. What a total fecking scream! Personally, I can’t stand all of this reality tv bullshit, for me watching something like Big Brother is like watching paint dry and I’ve never been slow to tell those of you that do like such programs what brain dead morons you must obviously be. However, it’s all backfired on me now because (*almost choking with disgust*) I actually enjoyed it!

Dear Lord God, in all fecking fairness, what the sweet Jesus are you up to? Was it something I did to displease you? Is it because I’ve been overly naughty of late? I can’t go into work tomorrow and tell everyone I was watching Celebrity Love Island without getting laughed out of the place, what the fuck are you trying to do me???

Now come on, the geography quiz, how could anyone watching not think that was funny? Ok, if they had been given some freaky countries like Turkmenistan, Angola or Patagonia (ok, not really a country but obscure none the less), you might have felt a bit of their pain but when celebrity bimbo number one, Victoria Hervey, places the USA sticker on top of Canada, you know you’re in for a very special treat. Worse, she’s even fucking living in the USA! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you just can’t beat class. A little more geopolitical manoeuvring later and France had turned into Spain, Belgium into Portugal, Mexico into Chile and New Zealand into Fiji. Thank God the Irish guy, Shane, knew where Italy was located or we’d never have heard the end of it.

Speaking of which, what the fuck is up with that Shane? I mean, how many (heterosexual) men who’ve just been told that they have to spend the night with a good looking woman turn around and declare that it’s just not right, like no way, I’m not having any of that. Cop yourself on man, get with the program, literally... LOVE Island!!!

Finally, if I was only allowed to send out one message to a single contestant then it would have to be to Chris “James Bond is my father so you might fight yourself suddenly overcome with an unexplainable urge to throw yourself at me, strip naked and shag me senseless” Brosnan and it would be simply this - you’re an absolute fucking wanker! In fairness, your father always comes across as a reasonably nice guy with a good personality but I’d wager money he’s currently hiding in a corner somewhere cringing with embarrassment. Tosser!

Now girls, don’t be like getting all excited or anything, this is once-off occurrence. If you reckon I’m going to be doing a running commentary for the remainder of the series, you’re more delusional than I suspected. Although just for the record, does anyone else out there reckon that Alicia Douvall, the professional shagger, looks like a mugged version of Geri Halliwell. (You know, I can’t believe I actually said something that bitchy and mean, see what a bad influence this program is having on me!)

Quote of the Now and Then!

2006-07-07T14:51:00.000+01:00

“She shines so bright that every moment in between lacks lustre.”

(Ok, so it's a shameless case of jumping on the bandwagon here but if simply putting up a quote counts as a post then I’m definitely having some of that. Ya! Of course I’m too frickin’ lazy to think of anything else! :-)

What the fuck?

2006-07-06T21:46:00.000+01:00

As I walked along the supposed golden path, I was confronted by mysterious spectres. They pointed to the graveyard over on yonder hill. I paused in cosmic reflection, confused and wondering of how I came to die. Hmmm, I was confused. For if I was dead, how and why did I die? But I composed myself and decided I should face it.

I’m just going to come straight out and say it. I’m fed up of this blog. Not necessarily the blog itself I suppose but more so of the tired and contrived rubbish that I put into it. Ya, it was great for a while, everyone was given a pithy super hero moniker and we all thought it was way cool and exciting and we’d giggle and titter and leave cute little comments. But come on, let’s be honest, I’m getting tired of trying to turn normal run of the mill everyday events into comic literary masterpieces (heh, I’m not saying I succeeded in doing so, just that the aspiration was there) and I’m pretty sure you lot must be getting fed up of the same old bullshit as well? In fairness, if you want to read a film review, you’ll have no problem finding one and if you want to read about a gig, just go to the fecking gig instead, it will get you out of the house and you might even enjoy it.

But I stood paralyzed on the supposed golden path and I was confronted by a powerful demon force. They said it was the devil and when he spoke his words flowed like glowing lava from the mouth of a volcano. And I said, help me lord! I found myself in some kind of Hell! But I did not believe in a heaven and hell, world in opposites, kind of reality. And I gained control of myself and I decided to press on.

I mean what the fuck are we all doing, eh? Trying to make ourselves appear more interesting than we really are... secretly yearning for the attention and admiration of the faceless, nameless masses... shamelessly overdosing on the little neural hit you get when some lost soul leaves you a comment... desperately longing for some meaningful connection with the wider world... despairingly realising that almost everyone seemingly has a more exciting life than yours... descending into a never ending cascade of mindless bitching and aimless meandering through the endless maze of the blogsphere.

And as I walked along the supposed golden path, I was trembling with fear, oh the lions and wizards yet to come. I seen in the distance silver mountains rising high in the clouds and a voice from above did whisper some shining answer from the moon.

So, come on, take those frickin’ headphones out of your ears, take a good fucking look around and savour the moment when it slowly dawns on you that everyone else is just as completely fucked up as you are! I’m not complicated, in truth all I need is a good woman to walk off into the sunset with me, all I ever wanted to be was a brooding super hero and despite what the bastards tell you, faraway fields really are greener.

Please forgive me, I never meant to hurt you.

Blogthings

2006-06-30T17:12:00.000+01:00

It’s Friday afternoon, you’re bored, the sun is shining but you can’t leave work yet! What to do, what to do... if only you had something mildly distracting with a small element of fun that you could also share with your friends?

Fret not beautiful people, even though most of you already know about Blogthings, some of you have yet to see the light! In all fairness, what could be more satisfying that lots of silly little multiple choice quizzes that con you into believing that you’re finding out something deep and meaningful about yourself?

Besides, who wouldn’t want to know how normal they are, who’s their inner European, what’s their love style, what flavour ice-cream they are, how vain they are, what flavour jelly bean they are, their Italian name, how sinful they are, their beer personality, what kind of flirt they are... the list is (almost) endless! Now off with you and enjoy Blogthings, fly my pretty ones!

However, make sure you come back and report your findings in the guise of a comment.

Fearless

2006-06-27T18:31:00.000+01:00

I went to see “Fearless” last weekend, which is apparently the last martial arts movie in which Jet Li intends to act. Seems a shame really but I suppose he’s fed up of doing the same thing all of the time. The film is set in China at the start of the twentieth century, a time during which Western colonial influences were causing radical changes to Chinese society as well as undermining her international status and identity. The story focuses on Jet Li’s character, based on the legendary Chinese fighter Huo Yuanjia, whose youthful impetuousness brings personal tragedy upon himself and his family leading him to fall into the depths of despair and darkness just so that he find himself again and eventually champion a higher cause that serves the greater good of China and it’s people.

Ok, so it’s not the most original of tales and while some of you might argue that the story in a martial arts movie is marginally more important that the plot of your average porn flick, personally I felt that the somewhat weak story coupled with some really poor subtitles, apparently everything in China circa 1910 was “great”, turns “Fearless” into the poorer cousin of such films as “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”, “The House of the Flying Daggers” and “Hero” from an overall perspective. That said, I don’t want to sound overly negative, the film is quite beautiful and the fight scenes are exhilarating and to be honest, if you liked any of the previous films mentioned above, you will probably enjoy “Fearless” as well. In overall terms, I liked it but as Dunphy might quip, it’s a good film not a great one!

National Cleavage Day

2006-06-22T19:23:00.000+01:00

Inspired by China Blue’s latest "Half Nekkid Thursday" post and because it’s simply another fantastic opportunity to lower the tone and because I couldn’t be arsed thinking of anything better to write about, I have decided to instigate a campaign in support of a National Cleavage Day. The concept is simple, a specific day of the year would be inaugurated as National Cleavage Day and, on the said appointed day each year, women from all walks of Irish life would be expected to patriotically exhibit their pride in their country by proudly wearing something with a scandalous décolletage that, to put it quite bluntly, leaves very little to the imagination.

Not only would this enhance the self-esteem of women all over the country as a result of the numerous admiring glances that every participating woman will undoubtedly receive but will also bolster the moral of the often misunderstood Irish male by reinforcing and validating their steadfast belief in the collective beauty of Irish womanhood. Subsequently, it is without any hesitation whatsoever that I strongly urge you to immediately email Bertie Ahern expressing your support for this wonderful concept. Just mention that it’s a sure fire vote winner with at least 50% of the population!

And why should we stop there? Personally, if this works out well, my next cause celebre is going to be a campaign in support of a National Mini-Skirt Day. In all fairness, I’m reasonably sure that with a little bit of cajoling some of our finest and most upstanding political luminaries such as President McAleese would be happy to come out in support of these fine and noble ideas. And, given our utter inability to qualify for this summer’s World Cup and the recent tragic passing of the inimitable Charlie Haughey, isn’t it finally time to start restoring a bit of pride and happiness to the nation! Jaysus, I feel a stirring rendition of the National Anthem coming on. Charlie, from whatever perch you’re looking down on us, take it away boy, Bertie, Mary and myself will join in once you get going!

“Sinne Fianna Fáil...”

(Mara... Maaarrraa!!! Jaysus, where is that bollox? Anyway listen here, that Mary is one fine looking bird, who would have thought it, eh. But for feck's sake, who the hell is this Cork Boy langer...)

Goodbye Ruby Tuesdays!

2006-06-16T12:36:00.000+01:00

I met the finest girl of my life that night at gay night... it’s alright, don’t be uptight, that wasn’t a subtle attempt to come out of the closet or anything. No, the reason I started this post with a line from “Bump” by the Fun Lovin’ Criminals is that when I walked into Ruby Tuesdays last night for the latest Impact drum and bass shindig, it was like I had unwittingly stumbled into the middle of gay night at some trendy downtown bar, not that I reckon Cork is big enough to have an uptown downtown divide or anything but I digress.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t that the place was full of young fellas with bleached blonde hair and pink t-shirts frantically snogging each other with wild abandon (my apologies to the wider gay community for my unimaginative use of clichéd stereotypes), it was more to do with the fact that my entrance was met by the synchronised grim-faced glances of around twenty guys doing their level best to evince an aura of nonchalant coolness as they listened to the excellent drum and bass beats that were being spun by some very talented local djs.

Anyway, to make a short story long, I quickly purchased a drink and secreted myself and my shiny new drunknmunky t-shirt down to the back of the bar where I perched myself comfortably upon a stool so that I could relax and enjoy the music. Also, just to show that first impressions can be misleading, a quick bit of market research did reveal that there were actually three women in the bar, which escalated to a giddy five at one stage (two left and four more arrived, do the math :-), which wasn’t bad when you consider that the total number of people in Ruby Tuesdays struggled to pass thirty during the entire evening.

And this, my friends, is the crux of the matter. I couldn’t actually give a damn how many women were there or not as I was primarily there to just hear some decent drum and bass, what upsets me is that in stark contract to the stunning brilliance of previous Impact nights (which you can read about here and see photos of here) this one was a bit of a disaster. Ok, I strongly suspect that the fact that hardly anyone new about the night due to the apparent lack of timely advertising did play a major factor in the very poor turnout but, even so, this new venue is a lot smaller and the fact that not a single person actually danced during the entire evening is a damning enough testament in itself.

Despite all that, I’m going to end with a few positives. First, the music itself was top notch as usual, so all credit to the djs. Also, Ruby Tuesdays is a nice bar and they generally play good music in there, so don’t let my negativity towards this night put you off going there. In addition, there are lot of drum and bass events to look forward to during the coming summer months including Calibre and Grooverider at The Savoy, so be sure to check out the “Things To Do” section on the sidebar. Finally, I managed to get a nice photo of Saint Finbarre’s Cathedral on the way back to the car, so the night wasn’t a complete loss by any means!

Gilles Peterson at The Savoy

2006-06-11T23:51:00.000+01:00

A few weeks ago Gilles Peterson played at The Savoy and even though at the time I almost didn’t bother going as I couldn’t convince anyone else that it would be worth checking out, I eventually decided that it was too good an opportunity to pass up. Peterson is renowned for taking a more holistic and eclectic view to dance music and usually plays a mixture of jazz music, Brazilian beats, Hip Hop and anything else off the beaten track that he can get his hands on, so I was really looking forward to an interesting and different experience.

Even though Stevie G reported mix accounts of the night on his blog, one of the girls working in Prime Time even told me that she left early because she was expecting something completely different, I have to admit that I was very happy with the set Gilles played and I’m still struggling to understand what some people felt was missing. The first hour was full of predominately Brazilian tracks, which would have been fabulous to dance to but given that I was there on my own, I found myself perched against the railing simply enjoying the music. Annoyingly, The Savoy was not very full that night, they didn’t even bother opening up the mezzanine section, and the dance floor was not at all crowded. No, that wasn’t in itself annoying, what was annoying is that it was one of the first nights I had been at The Savoy without a partner in crime and there was loads of room to dance, fecking typical!

Eventually, Peterson changed to a set dominated by Hip Hop and as all attempts by text to cajole a few people to drop in had failed miserably, I could no longer take any more, the music was just too damn good and a bout of dancing was inevitable. So I took to floor and began to strut my stuff like a langer! No, not like a drunken idiot acting the bollox and pissing off all of the women, that was some other geezer, more like a “feck the lot of you I don’t care if I’m on my own, I’m gonna dance anyway” kind of langer. And while I’m on that subject (rant alert), maybe it’s just me but there’s seems to be some kind of unspoken stigma attached to anyone that dares to dance on their own, kind of like “oh my God, will ya look at that guy dancing on his own over there, what a freak!” Look, will you all kindly get a fucking hold of yourselves! I like the music and I like dancing. It just so happened that none of my friends were available to go on the night in question. The real fucking problem here is that most of you are so insecure that your own pitiful lack of self-esteem just encourages you to knock anyone and anything that strays from the safety of the accepted norm. So, in future why don’t you all just kindly fuck off and die! On the other hand, there is a slight chance that I’m merely being a touch paranoid.

Nevertheless, much dancing followed and I really enjoyed myself (yay for me :-). Towards the end of the night, Peterson tore the place apart with a stomping version of “Bakiri Ban” by Havana Funk (which I’m listening to as I write this) and, to my sheer delight, unexpectedly finished the night with a nice bouncy drum and bass track. Ah, pure bliss! On a lighter note, I noticed that Stevie G spent most of the night on the dance floor instead of backstage. As Stevie has been kind enough to leave a few comments on my blog in the past, I was tempted to go up and introduce myself but given that I had spent most of the night dancing like an absolute looney not too far from where he was standing and given that I was sweating like a pig, I decided better of it. Anyway, I suspect he’s well tired of langers coming up to him spouting shite when he’s out trying to relax and enjoy himself so it might not have been the smartest idea anyway. So that’s that, I’ll close by just saying to Bat Girl, Snow Girl, Rat Girl, Doc and DJ and anyone else that cares, it’s a pity you couldn’t go, I reckon you would have all enjoyed yourselves!

Just Because

2006-06-07T12:44:00.000+01:00

Ok, you can file this one under the heading of “blowing your own trumpet” (no, you bold lewd people, I don’t mean in that way, notwithstanding the fact that it would be a nigh impossible feat of fantastical gymnastic ability), just to show that it’s not all about relatively trivial stuff like music and film or alternatively lowering the tone at every opportunity, feel free to check out my insightful contribution to a quantum cryptography post on one of the New Scientist blogs, albeit in the form of a comment.

Ok, ok, so it’s like not the biggest deal in the World ever but, nevertheless, the fact that it was accepted by the moderator and resulted in a follow up reply from the author made me happy and, sometimes, it’s the small things that count. Worryingly, the author never did clarify whether or not I am in fact an idiot! Also, in my eagerness I omitted the word "other" from the last sentence of my comment... damn.

If, unlike all of those pretty and intelligent girlies at the secret UCC rat experimentation lab, you don’t regularly read the New Scientist blogs then you don’t know what you’re missing. So for a change, why not stimulate your brain for a few minutes and check out the links below.

New Scientist Short Sharp Science Blog
New Scientist Invention Blog
New Scientist Technology Blog

Speaking of lab rats, Rat Girl, did you give back that book yet? Don’t be coy now, you know exactly what I’m talking about!

Mission Impossible 3

2006-06-05T22:21:00.000+01:00

I went to see Mission Impossible 3 with Junior MC recently. Ok, admittedly I dragged him there against his will. Why the hell I wanted to go see it in the first place is a bit of a mystery to me as I thought the first Mission Impossible film was only ok and I actually found the second one quite boring. I think it has something to do with the brilliant theme tune, I’m a complete sucker for a good choon and I’ve even heard an amazing drum and bass version of the Mission Impossible theme, which I think is part of the reason that I keep giving this stupid series another go.

Anyway, pretty much standard fare in this third outing. Tom runs, Tom jumps, Tom dodges bullets, Tom dispenses justice to his enemies, Tom looks clean shaven at all times and Tom continues to look like he hasn’t aged a day since the first Mission Impossible film. Hmmm, maybe there’s something to this Scientology lark after all.

Look, don’t get me wrong, I’m not belittling Tom Cruise (geddit :-), in fairness he has all the dosh he could ever want and Katie Holmes to boot. And on that note, for the love of God, would someone just slap that girl and tell her to cop herself on. I don’t have a problem with the age gap, feck that, but this whole Scientology bullshit that she’s appears to have bought into like some simple brainwashed follower... please!

Oh yeah, back to the film. I dunno, lots of glamorous locations and exciting stunts but mind-numbingly boring overall apart from the few scenes with that scintillatingly seductive dress. Watch it on DVD if you really have to. Oddly enough, Junior actually enjoyed it and considering that he hates going to the cinema, the only conclusion I can come to is that he’s obviously closer to the mental age of the twelve year old target audience of this film! Still, as we were let in for free, I suppose I can't really complain too much.

The Girl with the Golden Mind

2006-06-02T10:00:00.000+01:00

The Girl with the Golden Mind by China Blue is one of the funniest blogs I’ve come across and really deserves a look. In particular, her “Hollywood” post is an absolute scream but all of her other posts are just as funny, which is why I hate her already! Just do yourself a favour and check it out.

Tone Control & Exit Persued By A Bear

2006-06-01T01:05:00.000+01:00

The Savoy runs a regular night called the Knock Knock Club on Wednesdays, the idea being, to use their own words, to allow you to hear small bands in a big room. One of the recent Knock Knock gigs featured a local Cork band called Tone Control supported by Exit Pursued By A Bear. Having visited Tone Control’s website beforehand, which is pretty nice by the way, I thought that they sounded kind of interesting particularly as they seemed to be heavily influenced by drum and bass. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I convinced Bat Girl that it might be worth going and as The Doc was already interested in seeing Exit Pursued By A Bear, he tagged along as well and brought Super CV with him.

After arriving around 10pm thinking we were late, we settled ourselves nicely up in the mezzanine section, which gave us a really great panoramic view of the proceedings taking place below, with The Doc immediately launching into a rant about how the first fifty people in the door were supposed to get a free CD. Of course unbeknownst to him, a member of the band had just walked up behind him clutching a big bundle of free CD’s while he was still in mid-flow. Ah yes, caught by the proverbial bollox! Tone Control were also making a DVD on the night, so we were all looking forward to immortalising ourselves by strutting our funky stuff in front of the cameras later on. Ok, that’s a complete lie, the only one of us that felt that way was me, the other three had every intention of running back to their seat screaming if a camera even gave the slightest inclination that it might look at them. I dunno, you can bring the friggin’ horse to the fecking water but you can’t make him dance! Like what’s that all about?

Around an hour and a half later, having by that stage endured Bat Girl’s tirade about how tired she was and about how she desperately needed to go home and get some sleep and how that if somebody didn’t take to the stage soon she was quite liable to do something real nasty to the fecking eejit that had dragged her there in the first place, I was beginning to feel a little vulnerable. Not to mention Super CV trying to convince us all that fifth and sixth class primary school kids are regularly giving each other blow jobs on the way to school - I dunno about you but I can tell ya straight up that there was none of that carry on in my day or at the very least I wasn’t getting any of it! Therefore, it was with no small sense of relief on my part that Exit Pursued By A Bear took to the stage at half past friggin’ eleven and finally got the proceedings underway.

Now, it wasn’t that I didn’t like them or that they weren’t very good, in fairness they seemed quite a capable bunch of lads and the lead singer did his best to inject a lot of angst into his work as well as relating a funny story to us about how they were once mistakenly called Exit Perused By A Bear. Look, it was funny at the time so, for feck’s sake, stop giving me grief! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, they were fine but just not my cup of tea. Besides, Bat Girl was becoming crankier by the fecking minute as she grew more tired with each passing song, so I was desperately hoping that they would just quickly finish up so we could hear a bit of Tone Control and get the hell outta there! Hmmm, kind of paradoxical being called Bat Girl I reckon, when in complete contrast to your namesake you find it difficult to stay up past eleven o’clock at night. (Oops! I might just have just gotten myself into trouble there. Look that’s not a complaint but more of an observation, I’m sure you’re an absolute livewire in real life!)

Anyway, Tone Control eventually took to the stage at quarter past twelve and after one or two songs I found myself asking what I was doing there in the first place. Where was the bouncy drum and bass influenced goodness that I had promised myself? Where were the funky dance toons to which I could show off my fabulous moves to the expectant cameras? I’ll tell you where, fecking nowhere to be found! However, it was my own fault really as I had convinced myself that this band were going to be something completely different to what they turned out to be and that’s not really their fault. Also, The Doc says that the free CD is actually quite good, so I might change my mind a little when I actually get around to listening to it. Still, the whole night wasn’t a complete waste as I did console myself with a big juicy quarter-pounder with cheese from Abrakebabra on the way back to the car. Yummy! And no, I don’t want to hear any horror stories about food from Abrakebabra similar to Betty the Sheep’s post about her run in with some dodgy cheese and garlic fries. I don’t care what they put in them, it was still fecking yummy!

Behind Every Great Woman

2006-05-29T15:21:00.000+01:00

Given my current bout of sheer laziness when it comes to writing anything interesting, this will have to do for the time being.

Still, I reckon it’s kind of true all the same... although feel free to comment otherwise!

Orange is the Joy!

2006-05-23T10:04:00.000+01:00

Today’s Irish Independent includes an article about colours. Given my recent rant about orange, I note with interest that it states that “orange is connected with joy and vitality” and “it combines the vigour of red and the mental clarity of yellow.” So, in a nutshell, like I tried to tell you all, orange is pure goodness!

You can read the full article about colours here but you will probably have to register, which is free but a bit annoying all the same.

Impact Drum N Bass

2006-05-14T23:13:00.000+01:00

Ok, it’s now fucking official - there can be no more doubts - hands down, the monthly Impact Drum N Bass night at An Cruiscín Lán is currently the best night out in Cork and if you’ve never been then you need to take whatever steps are necessary to ensure that you are most definitely at the next one! And no, it doesn’t matter if you don’t know what drum and bass sounds like. Nor does it matter if you reckon you wouldn’t like drum and bass. In fact, none of that silly nonsense in your head telling you not to go matters a damn because this is not your normal run of the mill night out, this is an experience beyond the realms of your normal conservative day to day reality!

Yes, it will totally wreck your head but you won’t care. Yes, it will leave you sweating like a sweaty pig but you won’t care. Yes, it will leave you completely exhausted wondering if you have the strength to make it out the door when the music finally comes to a halt but you won’t care about any of that because in the four hours preceding that moment you will have danced yourself stupid and you will have enjoyed yourself in a way that cannot be described in mere words but in a manner that must be experienced to be understood, for it is one of the most mental “let your hair down” nights out in this here People’s Republic! And if you still don’t want to go then you’re a tosser and you should just fuck off to Reardens, to be perfectly honest, you’ll probably be quite happy there.

For those of you still with me on the true path of enlightenment, last Friday’s Impact gig was utterly mind blowing. (Note to self: Running out of superlatives, tone down the hyperbole.) Headlined by Simon ‘Bassline’ Smith of Technique Recordings and supported by Jet Li of Phase 2, Fiction of Rebirth, Allen M of Tek FM and Paddy of Sub FM with visuals by Vector Profecy, a night of incredible bouncy bass goodness was all but guaranteed and everyone delivered above and beyond what was expected! By the time 1:40am arrived when, like a langer, Simon ‘Bassline’ Smith teased us by turning off the music, every last man, woman and child (come on Margo, you’re know you're just a baby :-) in the place were literally screaming out for more and, mercifully, our wanton pleas did not go unheard and we were duly rewarded with another half hour of sheer hedonistic musical joy.

If you are contemplating making the next Impact Drum N Bass night you’re first such experience, please take heed of the following advice. The first two hours are great if you like to dance with a bit of elbow room to strut your stuff whereas the final two hours are sheer mayhem and while there is still plenty of dancing, you’ll be rubbing shoulders with your fellow sweaty Corkonians, which brings me nicely to my second point. Given the complete lack of any kind of ventilation system in An Cruiscín Lán, things get pretty damn hot and this is only getting worse as we head into the warmer summer months. I swear to God, the heat at last Friday’s gig was ridiculous and the amount of clothing that was discarded was pretty frightening in some cases while somewhat interesting in others! So be sure to wear really light clothing and not too much of it, if only that poor young fella with the big woolly jumper had been warned beforehand...

Tokyo Disco

2006-05-12T11:18:00.000+01:00

Tokyo Disco, a 3 CD unmixed compilation of scintillating house tunes compiled by Mark Doyle with shiny brand new cover art by Jason Brooks, was recently released on the Fierce Angels label. For those of you planning to do a spot of shopping over the weekend, this really would be the ideal birthday present for anyone into house music. Not that I can think offhand of anybody with a birthday coming up any time soon or anything...

Lord of the Dance!

2006-05-09T12:05:00.000+01:00

Now there might be no truth to the rumours that George “Lord of the Dance” Patterson taught Michael “Two Million Taps per Minute” Flatley all of his best moves one summer at an Irish Dancing Festival down in Ballyvourney sometime in the late seventies but surely even the most hardened cynic amongst you would begin to ask serious questions when presented with such stark photographic evidence! Also, one look at George’s fabulous new jacket and it’s easy to see where Michael picked up his penchant for outlandish costumes.

I robbed the above picture of George from Donal’s post about The Roaring Forties gig at The Far Side Bar last Friday evening. By all accounts, it appears to have been a good one and Donal has some more fantastic pictures of the night on his post. Of course, the langer never mentioned that he had found out where The Far Side Bar is actually located just in case any of the rest of us were thinking of going. Oh no, it was all “I don’t know where it is, I probably won’t go” on Friday afternoon, the devious bollox! Ah well, not to worry. Besides, his brother got married yesterday, so here’s hoping that he didn’t make a balls of his best man speech! :-)

Love Actually

2006-05-08T01:22:00.000+01:00

Ok, I admit this is not the most recent of films but I had the pleasure of watching Love Actually again over the weekend and as I had forgotten how incredibly good it is, all of you are now going to be subjected to my indulgent rant on the matter! (That, and maybe because I’ve been having a little bit of writers block recently when it comes to writing posts for this blog. All suggestions will be gratefully accepted!)

Anyway, let’s start with the cast. Even with such a large ensemble cast, every actor in this film does a brilliant job. From the fabulous Bill Nighy as the ageing rocker Billy Mack to Hugh Grant as the youthful out of his depth Prime Minister, everyone’s portrayal of their role is spot on the money. Not to mention the likes of Colin Firth, Liam Neeson, Emma Thompson, Martin Freeman, Rowan Atkinson, Kiera Knightley, Billy Bob Thorton, Alan Rickman, the utterly funny Kris Marshall as the insane Colin Frissell and countless others! Yes, as far as the cast goes, everyone’s a winner and Mary Selway and Fiona Weir should have won a fecking Oscar for the casting alone.

Moving on to the script, which is lovingly written and bursting at the seams with funny lines, this is one of the few romantic comedies that is actually brimful of both comedy and romance. And I don’t care what the most hardened cynic amongst you thinks; in my humble opinion Love Actually is one of the funniest and most endearing films ever made and I challenge any of you to sit down and watch it and to honestly express that you didn’t like it afterwards. Anyway, even if you do, I won’t believe you, so it’s a pointless exercise.

Finally, let’s talk about the primary reason why this film is so fecking wonderful... well that’s easy, it’s all about love. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, call in Doctor Wormius to administer an urgent check-up because it appears that I’ve gone completely off my rocker and gone totally soft! Don’t bother, it won’t make a whit of difference, I’m prepared to stand my ground on this one. Whatever you feel about the Brits’ chequered past in the history of our little republic, they sure can make a great romantic comedy.

In all fairness, can you imagine the schmaltzy crap this film would contain if Hollywood had been given the job of putting it together? No, unlike Hollywood, the Brits’ view of love is not as simple as the sterilised conservative middle of the road bullshit that the Americans like to peddle us! Instead, Love Actually triumphs because it shows us that love has many forms, some are straightforward, some are complicated, some will leave you in tears and some will have you leaping around like a carefree child but as Austin Powers might say, “who cares, it’s love baby!” Tall love, short love, fat love, skinny love, soft love, hard love, easy love, difficult love, it doesn’t matter because it’s love and it’s all good! (Ok, itchy love does sound a bit dodgy but let’s not go there for the moment!) Anyway, I think I’ll leave the final words to The Beatles by quoting a line from one of their songs that is in the film itself – “love is all you need.”

Proof that men really are idiots!

2006-04-25T23:38:00.000+01:00

Not that most women need any proof that men are idiots but just in case a few of you out there miraculously still need convincing, a recent study has shown that a man’s decision making abilities are severely impaired when it comes to something as simple as a pretty girl! Alright, maybe not the most surprising news ever but the way the study was carried out is actually quite interesting (in my humble opinion) and not as boring as you might expect! Just click on the link above, or right here if you’re feeling really lazy, to read the full story as reported by the BBC.

Personally, I thought the most interesting facet of the study was the manner in which they used a very simple test to determine if the male subjects had high testosterone levels. Apparently, and I’m going to have to take their word on this as I don’t have any evidence of my own to back it up, if a man’s ring finger (the one between the little finger and the middle finger) is longer than his index finger (the one between the thumb and the middle finger) then there is strong likelihood that the man in question has higher than normal levels of testosterone.

Wow! Who knew looking at someone’s hand could tell you so much! I’m a little taken aback by this as I would have always assumed that something like the ratio of finger lengths in human hands would be consistent and standard. I’ve been carrying out some random examinations since I’ve found this out, which has been a little disturbing for my test subjects in some cases. What’s freaking me out even more is that of all the hands I’ve checked out so far, my own fingers have the largest aberration I’ve found. Fabulous, I’m a fecking mutant! And no, I’m not going to tell you which finger is longer, a little bit of mystery can’t hurt I reckon. Besides, which is better, high or low testosterone? High testosterone might make you a randy goat but it might also make you go bald. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t!

Maybe some of you out there might have a view on which is better? Anyways, the next time a woman checks out your hands while you’re casually chatting on a night out, she might be figuring out more than you suspect!

Blogs: Orange Revolution!

2006-04-23T02:03:00.000+01:00

In response to Reality Check’s shameless attack on the colour orange, I can no longer remain silent and simply ignore the aspersions cast upon my impeccable taste and my beautiful orange-bedecked blog. Therefore, I ask you to join with me as I attempt to humbly proclaim the goodness that is orange and encourage you all to embrace the tao of orangeness!

Orange is no ordinary colour, unlike the lacklustre pastel blues of the bathroom colour scheme adorning Reality Check’s blog, orange doesn’t cower shyly in some dark far-off corner of the room hoping that no one will notice it. On the contrary, orange is the kind of vibrant colour that runs right up to you, grabs you by the scruff of the neck and eyeballs you at an uncomfortably close range audaciously demanding recognition while simultaneously daring you to even consider looking away for even the briefest of moments!

If like Reality Check you want to fade into the bland mediocrity of the mundane majority then fuck off and adorn yourself with boring pastel blues. However, if you want to muscle your way to the front of the crowd, stand tall and give two fingers to the universe demanding that the bitch gives you the recognition that you so truly deserve then let your inner orangeness shine through and wear it with pride! Who cares if you stand out like some langer with their dick hanging out! Fuck ‘em all, let those other boring pratts know that they’ve been well and truly tangoed! Ya baby!

Now take a few seconds to vote in the blog poll below. The fate of orange lies in your hands...

Take the poll

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Soulwax at The Savoy

2006-04-21T18:33:00.000+01:00

I was lucky enough to have scored a ticket for Soulwax at The Savoy, which was part of the Heineken Green Spheres tour. The band is comprised of two Belgian brothers, Stephen Dewaele and David Dewaele, who are also known as 2 Many DJs, Stefaan Van Leuven and Steve Slingeneyer.

The warm up act was some strange girl with too much angst singing over some music that she was playing on a laptop. Interestingly, about the only thing New Girl and I had in common that evening was that we both agreed that she, the warm up act that is, was utterly crap. Not surprisingly, shortly after that we callously dumped each other and ran back to the nurturing warmth of our mutually exclusive friends, Johnny Event Manager in her case, Snow Girl and Bat Girl in mine, who oddly enough thought that the girl with the angst was quite good, a view they stubbornly stuck to even after I slapped them soundly.

Anyway, Soulwax took to the stage soon afterwards and the good times returned with a bang. I had never seen this band before and I can honestly say that I was absolutely blown away. From the moment they hit the stage, they exuded an infectious musical energy that firmly grabbed you by the balls, shook you senseless and refused to let go no matter how loud you screamed. By the time they were finished, I was left wasted yet satisfied but ultimately wanting more! And the icing on the cake was that it was all fecking free! (Heh, not that I’m a tight git or anything and any comments to the contrary will be dealt with severely! :-)

Unfortunately, we didn’t hang around for the 2 Many DJs set that followed because we all had to get up early for work the next day or some other equally ridiculous reason. Finally, kudos to Heineken for doing the place up real nice with lots of spooky UFO like greenness!

(Thanks to Andrew Kendall for the photo. Hopefully, he won’t track me down and sue the no ass off me!)

Now that's what I call a Good Friday!

2006-04-18T16:45:00.000+01:00

I was djing (is that even a fecking verb) at a house party over the weekend. X-A hooked us up with a decent set of speakers so the sound was booming. I started off by playing a pretty nifty (in my humble opinion) two and a half hour house set, which was absolutely fabulous. The only problem was that everyone at the frigging party wouldn’t recognise a decent dance toon even if it came at them sneakily from behind and bit the arse off them (for an interesting discussion about asses, check out this amusing post by Betty the Sheep), that is of course except for you Snow Girl, you’re the only one that truly understands me, sniff, sniff. So eventually, after a sound thrashing administered by Bat Girl, which was kind of nice for all of the wrong reasons, I relented and acquiesced to the wishes of the masses. Ya, I know, there’s just no accounting for taste!

Fortunately, I had no Abba tunes - there are some lines I just won’t cross - so Peaches was still extremely upset and spent the entire night repeatedly muttering the immortal phrase “he’s a lovely guy (so true :-) but the worst DJ in the world ever!” Don’t worry, under that veneer of a cold-hearted bitch that she wears so proudly, she really is a peach. Not sure if she’s right about me being a strawberry but I’m gonna roll with it for the moment. So, after a few crowd friendly tunes such as “Flame” by Bell XI (for Bat Girl) and “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley (for Snow Girl) and a few crowd unfriendly tunes like “Root Down” by the Beastie Boys (for Game Girl), people briefly got off their derrières and actually danced for a while. Still, that didn’t last long and DJ was still severely distraught over the lack of any Wolf Tones or Metallica tracks. Ah well, you can’t please everyone!

After that brief spell of joyfulness, things progressively descended into madness and I was haphazardly training in new DJ’s so that I could do some dancing myself. Strangely enough, you give a person a set of headphones and they just don’t seem to want to give them back, this enraptured look of concentration comes over them and they start banging out the beats. Special mentions to DJ Celine, DJ Doc, DJ Wonder Bra Girl, DJ Ronan Keating (if only because he was so bad he made us laugh :-) and to DJ Stoned Girl, who was (allegedly) so stoned out of her head that she thought it was totally frigging hilarious to just keep repeatedly playing “Flame” over and over and over and over again... I wonder if she got those photos we put on her phone when we went through her bag before she dropped in to collect it the following day.

Anyway, it was a good night and I particularly enjoyed Wonder Bra Girl’s story about her wonder bras that seemed to be severely lacking in the wonder department, I think Bat Girl christened them disillusionment bras. Beats me why she thought she needed them in the first place. (Damn, I said that out loud, didn’t I!) Still, she was undoubtedly proud of them all the same if the amount of times she fondled them in the kitchen just to piss off Ronan Keating is anything to go by. By that stage, I was beginning to think they’d never get in that frigging taxi because they really needed to get a fecking room!

Finally, a special shout out to Rat Girl, who couldn’t go because she was puking her guts out from food poisoning, and on her birthday and all, that is sad isn’t it. Also, I’m looking forward to seeing Doc’s photos when he eventually gets off his ass and sorts them out.

PS: For a more unbiased review of this event, check out this post by Betty the Sheep.

DJ Jazzy Jeff at The Savoy

2006-04-10T16:23:00.000+01:00

It’s not often that I am torn between two different events on the same night. However, that’s how it was on Friday night. In one corner, looking a lot like a rebellious out of control teenager, stood the monthly Impact drum and bass night at An Cruiscín Lán, which is always brilliant and should never be taken for granted! In the other corner, looking every bit like the seminal hip hop genius that he undoubtedly is, stood the magnificent DJ Jazzy Jeff with his trusty sidekick, MC Skillz, who were playing at The Savoy on the very same night. What to do, what to do.

Shortly after meeting up with my partner in crime for the evening, the delectably desirable Snow Girl, a plan was quickly conceived, formulated and hatched (probably into one of those really cute little furry baby chicks that wobble about the place looking all timid and helpless) and we set off to The Savoy with a spring in our step. As we had no tickets, we decided to see if we could get in at the door. Failing that, the drum and bass was always there as a back-up plan! As it turned out, we need not have feared as we had no problems getting in. One ultra-violet marking on our right hand (they were fussy, they wouldn’t do the left hand, like what’s up with that) later and we were in!

After a quick trip to the bar for a drink and some chit-chat, we moved to the main floor, which was fecking mobbed (more about that later) to await the arrival of the man himself. Soon after, MC Skillz and DJ Jazzy Jeff took to the stage and the hip hop goodness kicked off with a bang - witness the fitness my pretty ones!

Snow Girl and I spent the best part of the next hour strutting our funky stuff - she is the perfect dance partner it must be said - before adjourning to the back bar for some badly needed liquid refreshment. After a brief adventure on the back bar dance floor, we returned to the main floor for some more Jazzy Jeff goodness. Much madness ensued and apologies to Snow Girl for bruising her shoulder with my elbow during “Jump Around” by House of Pain. Well, I was jumping around for God’s sake, it’s not like I fecking meant it or anything!

All in all, it was a great night and Jazzy Jeff and Skillz were brilliant. The only thing that upset me was the severe overcrowding on the main dance floor. Now don’t get me wrong, this would be acceptable if everyone on the dance floor was dancing but as they weren’t it just really pissed me off. Therefore, in future I’d really appreciate it if everyone abided by the following simple guidelines.

If you’re just watching then get off the fucking dance floor!
If you’re just drinking then get off the fucking dance floor!
If you’re just getting off with someone then get off the fucking dance floor!
If you’re just taking photos with your phone then get off the fucking dance floor!
If you’re just feeling up women then... on second thoughts, we’ll let that one slide!
Basically, if you’re not dancing then get off the fucking dance floor!

Finally, a few words to Rat Girl. First, you and V Girl should have gone because it was fecking fantastic! Secondly, learn a lesson or two from Snow Girl, she actually had some milk in her fridge! (No, you’re never going to be let forget that one :-)

Tokyo Project

2006-04-05T17:41:00.000+01:00

Mark Doyle, who is a God - don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, was the original driving force behind the whole Hed Kandi phenomenon, in my humble opinion at least. Now he has started his own label called Tokyo Project and if his first release, Tokyo Project: The Collection, is anything to go by then we are at the beginning of a whole new era of shiny sunshine goodness! Which is nice, especially considering that I personally feel that Hed Kandi has kind of lost its way of late and also the fact that it has been bought out by the Ministry of Sound doesn’t fill me with encouragement.

Anyway, the good news is that Tokyo Project will be releasing a brand new unmixed 3 CD compilation at the start of May. Just a mere two weeks before my birthday but (*cough*) that’s not a hint or anything... the hints will come closer to the date in question and will be as subtle as a brick!

Radio Soulwax

2006-04-04T16:43:00.000+01:00

The very first Heineken Green Spheres event kicks off in The Savoy in Cork on Tuesday 18th April 2006 with the multi-faceted dance music maestro's Soulwax and their alter ego 2 Many DJs.

"As dance producers they are touched by the hand of God" NME

"Music's latest craze is certainly a twisted one. Some are even calling it bastard pop. How else do you explain Destiny's Child singing Bootylicious over Nirvana's sacred Smells Like Teen Spirit" MTV

The Radio Soulwax tour features the brothers spinning dance discs under their moniker of 2 Many DJs as well as striking the chords on their synthesisers as part of the full live Soulwax line-up.

Tickets are by invitation only and in to be in with a chance of getting an invite for yourself and two of your favorite friends, all you have to do is register on the Heineken Green Spheres website. So what are you waiting for? Do it now! Especially all of you fine lab rats!

Doubletime

2006-04-02T02:00:00.000+01:00

A gang of us trekked off to Doubletime on Friday night at Cyprus Avenue. Ok, it wasn’t really a proper Doubletime as the next official Doubletime is on Friday 21st April at An Spailpin Fanac, which is going to be a bit of a fecking problem as it clashes with Bob Sinclar at The Savoy and to be quite honest, it’s going to leave me with one hell of a tricky dilemma! Anyway, this gig was really a few bands followed by a mini Doubletime at the end of the night.

When we arrived, some guy with a guitar, whose name I don’t know, was playing on stage but by the time we got a drink and sat down he was more or less finished. Next up was the jazz trio ensemble of Valdeman, Smyth & Baus or, in this particular case, just Valdeman & Baus as Mizz Smyth was nowhere to be found. VSB are always nice to listen to, you can just sit back, relax and chat as their soothing melodies wash all of your troubles away. The final band of the night was a pretty unusual group of musicians, I think they were called The Rhythm Method but I’m not sure. Hmmm, I’m just wondering how in the name of God am I going to adequately describe this bunch of jokers.

Let’s see, they had a distinctive reggae thing going on beneath a lot of their music but for almost every second song the lead singer would do some terrible woeful solo that sounded like the lonely wails of some poor dog tied to a tree and left out in the cold for a night. A little cruel perhaps but for the love of God, we were there to dance and ended up practically committing suicide! I swear, if it wasn’t for the congenial company of the cute and classy Bat Girl, the demur yet bodacious Rat Girl, the tantalisingly intriguing V Girl and her scintillatingly seductive sidekick Tall Girl (ok, so originality isn’t my strong point :-), not forgetting the somewhat grumpy Sin Girl (ok, now I’m dead), the celestial Celine (I still need that lawnmower by the way), the dynamic DJ and the snap happy Doc, I think I would have thrown myself out of the nearest window, which would probably have done shag all good as we were only on the first floor. That said, this band did bang out a cracking Johnny Cash number in the middle of their set, which almost made up for the rest of it.

Eventually 1am arrived and Gary started to play the tunes we had all come to hear. Sheer bliss! Everybody danced, everybody smiled and everybody had a good time! An hour later, we were a much happier bunch of people. Then again, that didn’t last long. After being promised tea and biscuits in return for a lift home, Rat Girl’s cupboards turned out to be pretty fecking bare. And no, tea without milk and chocolate made from chili peppers doesn’t even come close!

(Thanks to Donal for the original pictures.)

Rat Girl Rulez!

2006-03-31T15:46:00.000+01:00

Just in case you think I make half of this stuff up, my contacts have sent me this lovely picture of Rat Girl (aka Sleepy Girl) hard at work in her laboratory at some unknown secret location.

Altogether now... aaaw!

Asian Dub Foundation Sound System

2006-03-31T14:56:00.000+01:00

The plan was simple. Pure Cork Boy (yours truly :-), Bat Girl, Rat Girl and V Girl were going to suspend our crusading for an evening (fighting evil is a tireless and thankless job you know) and descend from the skies above the streets of the metropolis that is Cork City to experience the heavenly bouncy goodness of Asian Dub Foundation Sound System at Cyprus Avenue. Of course, like the best made plans, things soon begin to unravel.

Rat Girl (aka Sleepy Girl) decided that she was too tired and was going to stay at home curled up on her couch in her (super hero) pyjamas. Unfortunately, V Girl had planned to go with Sleepy Girl, so you lose one, you lose two! Nevertheless, myself and Bat Girl, who in fairness only originally agreed to go because Rat Girl was going, proceeded to the venue undeterred by the fickle nature of our caped comrades!

There was a nice sized crowd there by the time we arrived, not too big, not too small, and the vibe was quite relaxed yet tinged with an air of excited anticipation. After a few tunes by the warm up band, Aleko, the main attraction was introduced by Bat Girl with the immortal words “Dis is da Asian Dub Foundation! Aieeeee!” Fortunately, the fact that her faux Asian accent and hard man posture were so ridiculously funny meant that her spontaneous and unexpected intro was absolutely hilarious!

After that, the bounciness began in earnest and by the time the night was over we had completed a fly over, done a round up and taken back the power! Not bad for a night’s work I reckon. Eventually, it all proved a little too much for Bat Girl and she insisted on dragging me away from the drum and bass fuelled madness while still in an agitated music induced state of bounciness.

If you were lucky enough to have been at the gig or if you would just like to add your own thoughts, please feel free to leave a comment.

Lego Star Wars 2

2006-03-31T13:45:00.000+01:00

Star Wars... LEGO... video games... put them altogether and what have you got??? LEGO Star Wars of course!

After the nerdish joy that was the first LEGO Star Wars game, which recreated episodes one to three, now we have the mounting excitement associated with the imminent arrival of LEGO Star Wars 2, which is going to recreate episodes three to six of the original Star Wars trilogy. Kids of all ages and adults, who probably should know better but just can’t help themselves, rejoice!!!

What do ya mean you aren’t excited, that’s just plain bizarre. Hmmm, maybe these are not the droids you are looking for! (chuckle :-)

DJ Tricky

2006-03-30T00:38:00.000+01:00

While wondering around town about midnight in search of a Danish pasty, by pure chance I spotted a poster advertising a drum and bass gig in An Cruiscín Lán on the evening before Saint Patrick’s Day, which was tomorrow at the time. These fecking drum and bass heads always leave things to the last minute and it’s incredibly easy to miss the few drum and bass nights that do take place in Cork. At least I found out in time and, let’s face it, what better way to start the Saint Patrick’s Day weekend that with a spot of soothing drum and bass!

The dj for the night was some geezer called DJ Tricky from Manchester and he also brought a few mc’s with him. On top of that, half of the guy’s family came as well and a brief chat with his dad revealed how proud he was of his young fella... altogether now, aaaw!

Things started a bit slow but the last two hours were pure madness and good fun. Unfortunately, due to the late advertising I reckon, there was a relatively poor turnout on the night, which was a bit of a shame. Still, it left more room for tall lunatics like myself to dance around like a nutter and mingle a bit!

On a related topic, my search for a drum and bass girl goes on. If you like drum and bass, if you dance like you haven’t a care in the world and if you can’t get any of your all too boring and sensible friends to go out to a drum and bass night then we’re (probably :-) perfect for each other!

Please feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts in relation to any of the above including any applications for the currently vacant position of drum and bass girl - pink hair a plus!

Lucky Number Slevin

2006-03-29T23:59:00.000+01:00

I went to see Lucky Number Slevin recently and I have to say that I thought it was pretty enjoyable. Some reviewers have said that this film is trying to hard to be slick and while that may be true to some extent, it doesn’t really matter. Overall, this film has great dialogue (it might be somewhat contrived but who cares), a good story and it’s full of top-notch actors.

Obviously, the best part of the film is Lucy Liu flittering about the place in her little pleated skirts and those oh so cute knee high socks looking all coy and demur like only she can... hmmm, maybe I need to stop saying things like this out loud?

Anyway, if you’ve seen this film or are just worried that my obsessive fantasies seem to be getting the better of me, leave a comment with some of your thoughts on either topic!

Brokeback Mountain 2

2006-03-24T11:52:00.000Z

Just goes to show that some sequels can be better than the original.

I'm not dead yet!

2006-03-16T17:50:00.000Z

Ok, relax; I’m not dead or anything. Jeez, you don’t put up a post for over two weeks and people get excited! Anyway, just to calm the hordes that regularly visit my blog (heh, there’s at least two, possibly three, of you out there), I would just like to say that I’ve been too busy, too pre-occupied, too damn lazy or whatever gets me off the hook.

While I know I’m going to regret this later, rest assured that I will most definitely add some posts over the coming weekend, that is, of course, after I finish the damn VAT return and a million other things but I live in eternal hope...

The Roaring Forties

2006-03-01T00:28:00.000Z

Just a quick reminder that The Roaring Forties will be playing at 9pm in Scotts this coming Friday to celebrate the launch of their new album.

They will also be having a special launch party in Guinness House earlier that same evening but unfortunately entrance to that soiree is by invitation only. So if you haven’t got an invite then I’m afraid you’re going to have to catch them later that evening in Scotts, which is sure to be a great night out anyway so there’s really no reason to despair!

For more information about The Roaring Forties, check out my previous post about the band.

Impact Drum'n'Bass

2006-03-01T00:17:00.000Z

Next Saturday night sees the return of the Impact Drum'n'Bass night to An Cruiscín Lán. The goodness begins at 10pm and continues on until 2am. Entry is a meagre €6!

Even though I missed the last Impact night, I had the good fortune to make the one before that and I can wholeheartedly testify that satisfaction is most definitely guaranteed. Even if you have never been to a drum and bass night, you owe it to yourself to check it out and for €6 you can’t really go far wrong!

Aeon Flux

2006-02-28T23:29:00.000Z

When I first saw the trailer for Aeon Flux my jaw just dropped. Apart from the fact that Charlize Theron looked absolutely ravishing in it (she dyed her hair black especially for the film and it worked for me I can tell you), the trailer itself looked incredible and by the end of it I was full of anticipation and couldn’t wait for it to arrive in the cinemas. Unfortunately, my expectations were cruelly dashed when I did get to see it.

I am a big fan of sci-fi films and I am usually willing to tolerate a lot of crap from this particular genre but even I am forced to admit that this film is quite dismal and, overall, I was left disappointed. The only saving grace, if you could even call it that, was Charlize herself and only because she spent most of the film prancing about in very revealing clothing but I’m afraid even that wasn’t enough for me, black hair and all!

The Music of the Primes

2006-02-28T22:56:00.000Z

I recently finished a book called The Music of the Primes by Marcus du Sautoy. If you have even a passing interest in Mathematics (probably just alienated 99% of the planet there) then you should really check out this book. While focusing primarily on the topic of prime numbers, this is not a book full of complicated formulas and dull language.

Instead, the author takes a colourful historical journey through the insular world of mathematics beginning with the ancient Greeks and ending in the present day, a journey full of interesting and brilliant mathematicians like Gauss and Riemann. The central underlying theme of the book revolves around the Riemann Hypothesis, which remains unproven to this very day. If you fancy your chances, there is a prize of $1,000,000 to be claimed by the first person who manages to prove it!

Brokeback Mountain Revisited!

2006-02-27T18:43:00.000Z

After much procrastination, I finally got fed up hearing how fecking fantastic this shagging (oops, bad choice of word there) film was, so I decided that there was only one thing for it - I simply had to go see it for myself. So some or other evening last week (ok, it was Wednesday, jeez, like it matters!), I donned my favourite Stetson, grabbed my big cuddly jacket and bravely ventured out into the wild outdoors in search of a picture house. (Alright, some of that last bit was a lie; it wasn’t my favourite Stetson as I keep that for special occasions.)

I duly purchased my ticket for the gay cowboy movie, notwithstanding the few odd looks I got from yer one behind the counter, probably on account of the hat, and then sought out a spare seat next to the manliest guy I could find, just for a laugh to see if the Stetson would freak him out, given the context and all. Even though he did initially clutch his girlfriend’s arm a little too firmly if you ask me, in fairness he braved it out and didn’t move to another seat. Although I’m pretty sure I detected a flicker of fear in his eyes and a few beads of sweat rolling down his forehead when I offered him one of my Minstrels. Anyway, onto the movie!

Having psychologically prepared myself for a barrage of hardcore gay sex, the abundance of sheep and complete lack of any to-do whatsoever for this first half or hour so was admittedly a little unsettling, while not altogether unwelcome at the same time. Eventually, there was a quick thirty second burst of what could at best be described as very softcore gay action - blink and you’d miss it – and that was as torrid as it got. Ya ok, so there was at least three more minutes of cowboy kissing and hugging during the rest of the film but like I’m thinking, what’s all the fuss about? Indeed, no need for the Legion of Mary to start picketing local screenings or anything. (Reminds me of the time I went see Dogma and had to walk past the protesting Catholics. They were dead impressive, they had placards and everything. But come on, I mean fecking Dogma, these people really need a hobby or something!)

To be honest, the most interesting thing about this film from my own personal perspective was the sheer vast bleakness of Wyoming juxtaposed with the desolate lives of most of the characters in the film. If you’re looking for something light and cheery, dare I suggest that this is not the film for you? That said, I thought it was a reasonably good film even thought I do reckon it would bore most people to tears. Oh yeah, one of the best bits was seeing Anne Hathaway playing a real person instead of a princess or something equally wholesome.

Not So Smart Telecom Broadband!

2006-02-23T12:18:00.000Z

The following post chronicles my futile attempts to get any kind of indication from Smart Telcom as to when they might be in a position to provide with the broadband product they originally promised to deliver to me over six month ago.

At first, Cynthia from the Smart Telecom customer service department was trying her best but I think it was all too much for her in the end and I have yet to receive any reply to my last e-mail. If it’s this hard to get something as simple as a date from them then I’m thinking that it must be sheer Hell trying to actually get the broadband installed once it is available and as luck would have it Donal has already covered that angle in his own Smart Telecom rant!

The whole thing is a bit on the lengthy side so instead of putting it all on my main page I’ve tidied it away on its own special page, which you can read by clicking here. If you do manage to get to the end of it then the reason for the monkey should become clear!

9th February 2006

I am currently a Smart Telecom customer in Ballincollig. I was wondering when your Broadband service is coming to Ballincollig. When I originally became a Smart Telecom customer last May your website said Broadband would be rolled out in Ballincollig by August 2005. Obviously, that didn't happen! So, what's the story, how long more do I have to wait? Eircom are banging down my door with all kinds of special offers even though I'm trying hard to resist turning back to the dark side!

Rickard.

10th February 2006

Hi Rickard,

Thank you for your email. This exchange is on our current Network Build Programme and at this present time we are unable to confirm a date as one has not yet been set. Thank you for your patience.

Kind Regards,
Cynthia

13th February 2006

Cynthia,

Thanks for your prompt reply to my query. I have to say that it must be really great to work for Smart Telecom. In fairness, I can only dream about being able to tell my boss that a particular piece of work is on my "current" program but that I have no idea when he can expect to see it completed. I suppose if I thanked him for his patience he might be duly overwhelmed by my courteous demeanour and simply disregard the fact that I was already six months behind schedule as well as overlook the fact that I had no idea when I'd be finished. To be honest, I've personally always felt annoyingly restricted by having to commit to arbitrary deadlines and I can only conclude that the vast majority of Smart Telecom customers think the same if they are willing to accept a response like the one sent to me in your previous e-mail.

Look, I realise that schedules can be tricky things but is there any way you could even give me a ball park indication? You know, one month, two months, six months, by the end of this year, by the end of the decade, that kind of thing. Every day I am hearing talk in the media about how we are falling behind in Ireland in relation to the uptake of broadband in comparison to other EU states and I am starting to feel that I am letting my country down by continuing to use dial-up Internet access. In addition to all of that, the rest of the house are constantly berating me about the tortoise-like performance of our internet connection and, to be frank, I'm not quite sure how much more of this badgering I can handle. This is further compounded by the fact that I work in IT and that they subsequently somehow feel that I should be able boost the speed of the telephone line by performing some kind of old-school MacGyver like technical wizardry utilising nothing more than a piece of string, a pen-knife and a plastic cup. So please Cynthia, for the love of God, help me out here as I'm sinking fast!

Rickard.

14th February 2006

Hi Rickard,

I'm sorry I can't advise you of a date for this exchange as again one has not been confirmed. I can't even give you a round about date as this could be just misleading.

Thanks,
Cynthia.

14th February 2006

Cynthia,

I'm beginning to think that you are some sort of saint. In fairness, a lesser woman would have told me where to go when confronted with the sarcastic and cheeky tone of my previous e-mail. You have admirably resisted the temptation to lose your cool and have continued to maintain the professional composure required for someone working in customer service. Hopefully, we can maintain the same level of civility in the future.

In relation to the rollout of broadband in Ballincollig, I understand your reluctance to give me a specific date when you obviously haven't been given one. However, I am at a loss as to what you expect me to do next? Reading between the lines, I can only conclude that you are more or less implying that I might as well go back to Eircom given that Smart Telecom have failed to live up to their previously published intentions and can't even give me any indication as to when they think they will be in a position to provide me with a broadband product. On the other hand, maybe I'm just a bit stupid and perhaps I'm misunderstanding what you are telling me?

To be honest, I'd hate going back to those Eircom feckers, I can just see their smug faces as they welcomed me back into the fold particularly as over the last six months or so I have been steadfastly resisting all of their cold calls and agents turning up at my door with their latest batch of "unbelievable" special offers. Each and every time I was resolute in affirming my satisfaction with Smart Telecom as I told those Eircom wasters where to go, not to mention the special affection that every man, woman and child in Cork has for the red and white colours of your sassy and provocative "Smart" logo. (Up the rebels!)

So, it is now with a sad and heavy heart that I am contemplating ending this beautiful relationship. Is this how it's going to end, me a broken and bitter man on Saint Valentine's Day? Please Cynthia, if you value this relationship at all then throw me some kind of customer service bone so that we can remember the good times and look to the future with some little bit of hope in our hearts.

Rickard.

16th February 2006

Hi Rickard

We do value your custom and do not want to lose you to another provider. If you require broadband and as we are unfortunately unable to provide this to you at this present time, the only other option you have is to go to another provider. If not Eircom then there are plenty of other companies you could go with for this service and you could also stay with Smart for calls.

Thanks
Cynthia

16th February 2006

Cynthia,

Thanks for your reply. I dunno, this all seems bizarre to me. I switched to Smart in May 2005 with the promise of broadband by August 2005. It is now February 2006 and no broadband is available yet. Furthermore, Smart can't even give me any kind of indication as to what time span we're talking about before broadband will be available. It seems ironic that you had no qualms about lying to me last year but can't give me any date this year because you don't want to be caught telling me lies. It's all very confusing to someone simple like me.

In all fairness, if you just told me that it was likely that broadband would be available to me within 3 months, for example, I might very well decide to wait. The absence of any date more or less forces me to move to an alternative broadband provider, which is strange given that you say that Smart value my custom.

The only conclusion I can draw is that Smart have employed an actual monkey who randomly picks where to send the works crews at the start of each day as a low cost alternative to employing an expensive project manager who might frivolously waste money and time producing silly things such as a build schedule. I suspect that the real reason you can't give me a ball park date is due to the fact that you can't simply pick up the phone and get a date from the department responsible for the rollout of broadband because they are obviously all subject to fickle whims of the damn monkey who is probably pissed off at being paid bananas and is deliberately sabotaging the entire broadband rollout effort. If you want my opinion, that's not smart, just plain dumb!

Now this is just a suggestion but hear me out. You know that Keith Barry guy who does all of those Smart ads on the telly, you lot could get him in to read the monkey's mind and find out on what date that slippery simian intends to send the lads out to the Ballincollig exchange. I know it's a bit drastic, I suspect Keith is not cheap but then again if you hadn't spent all of that money hiring him to do those clever tv ads in the first place then you might have been able to afford a real project manager instead of the low cost monkey option that you're now stuck with. Then again, I've never had a good head for business, so I could be talking rubbish.

Finally, thanks once again for your patience and I would just like to reiterate that I am directing all of this angst at Smart Telecom, the company, and not at you personally. I realise that you are only doing your job, which can't be easy given that the fecking monkey isn't helping things much.

Rickard.

Swing 'Til You Die!

2006-02-18T01:48:00.000Z

The Roaring Forties, Cork’s finest and best swing jazz jump jive band, are launching their new CD “Swing ‘Til You Die!” on Friday 3rd March. To celebrate this joyous occasion, the band will be playing at 9pm in Scotts that same evening. So if you enjoy good music and like to dance, this is the place that you need to be. This band has to be seen to be believed and the lead singer, George, will probably tell a few jokes as well for free! What more could you ask for of a night’s entertainment I ask you???

You should be able to get yourself a copy of this fine collection of tunes at Virgin, HMV or Tower Records and you can also buy it from their website. It will have you dancing around the kitchen and will go down a blast at parties so you really can’t lose!

Finally, if you have yet to petition The Late Late Show about giving the band a spot on the telly, be sure to read my previous post on the matter without further delay. Go on, get to it!

Doubletime!

2006-02-17T17:05:00.000Z

For those of you that haven’t had a swing jazz fix since Christmas, take heart in the fact that Doubletime is back at 10pm on Saturday 25th February in An Spailpin Fanac on South Main Street. Once again, DJ Gary will be dropping the best of beats from the big bands of the thirties and forties.

As a special treat, a swing dancing class (or Lindy Hop class to be precise) has been arranged for the same evening at 8pm in the Unitarian Church on Princess Street so that you can impress everyone with your snazzy new moves at Doubletime later that evening. Apparently you don’t need any experience or a partner so you really don’t have any excuse for not giving it a go!

As DJ Gary says, it’s time to party like it’s 1939!

(If you’re based in Dublin, be sure to check out the Dublin Lindy Hop website.)

Saint Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T10:55:00.000Z

Upon reading Knackered Kaz’s Valentine’s Day rant on her blog, I started thinking that something had to be done. So I thought about it for a while and this is what I’ve concluded.

The fundamental problem is that Valentines Day is a day for couples and there is no corresponding day for singles! So I reckoned that if Saint Valentine is the patron saint of lovers then all that I needed to do was Google the patron saint of singles, sheer fecking brilliance I thought to myself. Unfortunately, things turned out to be a little more complicated than I had first thought.

It turns out that Saint Benedict Joseph Labré (there's more than one Saint Benedict by the way) is the patron saint of single men and that Saint Agatha is the patron saint of single women, those wonderful Catholics and their zany saints. At first I thought about instigating a Saint Agatha & Saint Benedict’s Day but then I cunningly decided that it was time for all long suffering singles everywhere to get one up on their coupled brothers and sisters. Subsequently, I’ve elected that two separate days should be created for singles, one for each saint.

As luck would have it, both of these saints already have their own day, which saves me the trouble of picking them. Saint Agatha’s Day is on the 5th February and Saint Benedict’s Feastday is on the 16th April.

Now all I have to do is figure out how these two days will actually work in practice. Do you buy yourself a nice gift? Do you randomly buy stuff for other singles that you know? Do you decide to take yourself or other singles out to dinner? Damned if I know! However, I do know that there are a lot of smart people out there who could probably work it all out for me. Answers on a postcard please...

(Thanks to Funtime Sindy for the picture.)

Cork Jazz Big Band

2006-02-07T12:03:00.000Z

I went to see the Cork Jazz Big Band again last night in Cyprus Avenue. This was the second week of their regular Monday night gig and it’s a great excuse for going out so early in the week, which is also a bit of a curse given how fecking tired I am this morning!

The band themselves are a bunch of very talented musicians and they rattled off a string of tunes from the big band era. However, if you like dancing and prefer something lively then this may not be your ideal cup of tea as they tend to play more moody and down tempo pieces. Even so, they are well worth checking out and for a measly €5, how can you go wrong? So stop dithering and be sure to get your butt down to Cyprus Avenue next Monday night. If only they’d start at nine instead of half ten, I mightn’t be so shagging wrecked!

(Thanks to Donal for the picture.)

Cork Blogs!

2006-02-07T11:26:00.000Z

For those of you that are tired of the misguided anti-Cork sentiments of less enlightened Jackeen bloggers, United Irelander springs to mind for some crazy reason, take comfort in the fact that we Cork bloggers now have our very own haven of sanity in the form of corkblogs.com. (And there was much rejoicing!)

Now you can whittle your time away perusing the undoubtedly sound musings of other like-minded folk, safe in the knowledge that all of them know in their hearts that Cork is in fact the only true capital of Ireland. Yes indeed, for once I find myself in total agreement with United Irelander, if only we could figure out a way to cut off Cork from the rest of the country and create our very own little island paradise!

By the way, as I couldn’t find a Cork Blogs link image, I went and made the following one. Feel free to rob it!

Munich

2006-01-29T01:42:00.000Z

Earlier this evening I saw Munich, Stephen Spielberg's new movie. I have to say that I really enjoyed it and at over two and half hours long it's good value for money, especially when you get in for free! Well, it's not my fault if the nice women at the cinema keep giving me free tickets, in their eyes I'm probably like some kind of poor stray dog or something.

The film itself is an interesting and dramatic mix of politics, history, intrigue and vengence amongst other things. However, by steadfastly refusing to dehumanise the characters on any side, Spielberg essentially gives two fingers to the agendas of Bush and others like him all around the world who are trying to turn us into morons by convincing us that they are the good guys and that we must take out the bad guys (don't worry, they have a list) by any means necessary.

I seem to recall that your predecessors tried the same lark with the Indians, you Texas cowboy! (Hmmm, that should get my on a few CIA and FBI watch lists, they have really cool programs that are watching everything you know!)

Straight Flush Flop!

2006-01-27T11:54:00.000Z

I was playing poker last night (no limit Texas Holdem) and well into the tournament (I was chip leader at the time :-) I was dealt the Ace of Hearts and the Four of Hearts. When the flop came I could hardly believe my fecking eyes - the Two, Three and Five of Hearts were staring right back at me! I had flopped a straigh flush and the more I looked at it, the more beautiful it seemed. (For the non-poker heads amongst you, there are only 40 possible straight flushes out of a total of 2,598,960 possible five card combinations. It's the highest possible winning hand in poker and getting one is like winning the Lotto!)

Anyway, like a langer I checked the flop as I didn't want to give the game away. After the turn, the only other player in the hand thought long and hard and finally deciced to go all in. As you can imagine, at this point, I thought all my birthdays had come at once. There I was wondering how I could make some money out of this hand and the other guy only decides to go all in and save me the bother. Not surprisingly, it took me roughly a millisecond to decide to call his all in bet. Hmmm, I wonder if I'll ever get a straight flush again?

Unfortunately, the rest of the night didn't work out quite as well. I went into the heads up with more than twice as many chips as the other guy and from then on I didn't get a single hand. The other guy kept going all in and each time I didn't even have a lousy pair to call him with. Finally, when I had to go all in, the other guy had an Ace in his hand and ended up with four Aces by the river. It was just that kind of crazy night!

Cork Jazz Big Band

2006-01-24T11:02:00.000Z

Now this one has me more than a little excited! Check this, the Cork Jazz Big Band, a twenty piece jazz orchestra, yes, that's twenty of the feckers, are starting a new regular Monday night gig on the 30th January at Cyprus Avenue.

Personally, I'm expecting something fabulous so I hope I'm not going to be disappointed. I'm wondering if one of them will be standing in front, baton in hand, conducting the rest of them just like the big bands of the forties and fifties. To be honest, I have no idea what they are going to play but I already feel like Count Basie is coming to town!

Hed Kandi @ The Savoy

2006-01-24T10:40:00.000Z

For those of you that care, there is a Hed Kandi night at The Savoy in Cork this coming Friday, 27th January. Andy Norman and John Jones are headlining but there may be one or two others playing as well.

Also, Mark Doyle, the original driving force behind the whole Hed Kandi phenomenon has started a new label called the Tokyo Project. Lovers of good dance music everywhere, rejoice!

Brokeback Mountain

2006-01-17T15:21:00.000Z

Ok, enough is enough! If another woman tells me to go to see Brokeback Mountain, Ang Lee's new film, I'm going to scream (like a woman)! I'm sure it's brilliant and the scenery does look amazing but lets get real here people... it's a gay cowboy film! Me and the rest of my species are too manly (read insecure) to be going into cinema's buying tickets for the gay cowboy film.

Also, I fear that my image of cowboys as an iconic bastion of manliness as impressed upon me during my carefree childhood days would be devastated forever! It’s a far cry from The Hulk I tell ya, Marion Morrison would be turning in his grave! Now I need to saddle up and get out of here before the gay community gets a posse together and runs me out of town...

Jarhead

2006-01-16T10:10:00.000Z

Over the weekend I saw Jarhead, the new film by Sam Mendes, who previously made Road to Perdition and American Beauty. It follows the day to day lives of a group of Marine recruits from boot camp up to their participation in the first Gulf War. It’s not your typical action war movie and has a more subtle mix of drama, satire and humour. I practically fell off the chair laughing during the scene with the bugle rendition of Stevie Wonder’s Sunshine of my Life but I can’t say any more about that bit without spoiling it!

I’ve always wanted to play a soldier in a film, in all fairness, I’ve already got the haircut! So if any casting director out there needs another body for a war movie then feel free to give me a call! That said, I'd also love to play a Jedi in a Star Wars movie and a part in a Matrix film would be cool...

Drum and Bass

2006-01-13T16:07:00.000Z

I just found out that I missed the Impact drum and bass Christmas gig on the 29th December at An Cruiscín Lán, which upsets me greatly. This sorry state of affairs became known to me when I accidentally stumbled across the Irish Drum and Bass website.

If there are any other drum and bass nights around Cork, I'd appreciate it if someone would let me know. Not that I'll be able to find anyone to go to a drum and bass night...

The Roaring Forties on The Late Late Show!

2006-01-12T01:28:00.000Z

The Roaring Forties are Cork's finest and hardest working swing jazz and jump jive band. These guys are incredible, if you like dancing and they're ever playing near you then you owe it to yourself to go see them! Also, their gigs are always full of way more woman than men so if you're male, single and you can dance then, Jesus, need I say more.

Anyways, they're launching their new album very soon and in order to get a bit of publicity they're really trying hard to get on The Late Late Show. Cause we all know in this country, you ain't made it until you been on the telly with Gaybo, oops, I mean Pat.

So do your good deed for the day now and e-mail The Late Late Show and tell them how they'd be like total fools not to put this band on their fancy telly show! You know it makes sense...

Fahrenheit

2006-01-12T01:07:00.000Z

I also recently finished an xbox game called Fahrenheit. Heh, it was Christmas, I had time off and I had to do something! I know that opinion is divided across the gaming community about this game but personally I thought it was brilliant. This is the future of adventure gaming and the developer, Quantic Dream, should be given loads of support for trying to take this genre to the next level.

Gruesome murders, cool characters, a great story, mature sexual content (these French developers just love breaking all of the rules) and superb Matrix style fights - what the Hell more could you want in a game???

The End Of Oil

2006-01-12T00:54:00.000Z

I recently finished a book called The End Of Oil - The Decline of the Petroleoum Economy and the Rise of a New Energy Order by Paul Roberts. Ok, it doesn't sound like a page turner but trust me when I say that if you live on this planet (probably true for most of us) then you need to read this book.

Interesting, informative, worrying and even downright scary!

The hardest working man in Blogland!

2006-01-12T00:44:00.000Z

A quick acknowledgement to Donal, whose incessant work on his own blog has convinced me to get off my arse and start whipping my own blog into shape!

One of the annoying (in a nice kind of way :-) things about Donal is that all the girls just love him to bits, the lucky bastard. And you lot don't even bother trying to deny it, you know damn well you do... I guess there's just something about Donal!

Trampolines!

2005-09-15T10:56:00.000+01:00

Trampolines are great! Fantastic fun and bouncy to boot.

Anyone that doesn't like trampolines should seek professional help as a matter of urgency!